On this morning’s Mike & Mike program, Frank Caliendo hopped on to deliver a an uplifting reading of Allen Iverson’s famed “Practice” rant from 2002…as the voice of god.
Here’s the official transcript of the press conference in case you feel like doing your own version and submitting it to us (we’re give you, like, 100 SportsGrid beer koozies).
Reporter: Could you be clear about your practicing habits since we can’t see you practice?
Iverson: Anybody tell you that I missed practice… If, If, if a Coach say I missed practice, and y’all hear it, then that’s that. I mean, I might have missed one practice this year but if, if somebody say he doesn’t come to practice, it could be one practice. Out of all the practices this year, that’s enough… that’s enough to get a whole lot started. I told Coach Brown that you don’t have to give the people of Philadelphia a reason to think about trading me or anything like that. If you trade somebody, you trade them to make the team better…simple as that. I’m cool with that. I’m all about that. The people in Philadelphia deserve to have a winner. It’s simple as that. It goes further than that …
Reporter: So you and coach Brown got caught up on Saturday about practice?
Iverson: If I can’t practice, I can’t practice man. If I’m hurt, I’m hurt. I mean … simple as that. It ain’t about that… I mean it’s… It’s not about that… At all. You know what I’m saying I mean… But it’s…it’s easy … to, to talk about… It’s easy to sum it up when you’re just talking about practice. We’re sitting in here, and I’m supposed to be the franchise player, and we in here talking about practice. I mean, listen, we’re talking about practice, not a game, not a game, not a game, we talking about practice. Not a game. Not, not … Not the game that I go out there and die for and play every game like it’s my last. Not the game, but we’re talking about practice, man. I mean, how silly is that? … And we talking about practice. I know I supposed to be there. I know I’m supposed to lead by example… I know that… And i’m not.. I’m not shoving it aside, you know, like it don’t mean anything. I know it’s important, I do. I honestly do… But we’re talking about practice man. What are we talking about? Practice? We’re talking about practice, man. [laughter from the media crowd] We’re talking about practice. We’re talking about practice. We ain’t talking about the game. [more laughter] We’re talking about practice, man. When you come to the arena, and you see me play, you see me play don’t you? You’ve seen me give everything I’ve got, right? But we’re talking about practice right now. We talking about pr… [Interrupted]
Reporter: But it’s an issue that your coach continues to raise?
Iverson: Man look, I hear you… it’s funny to me too, I mean it’s strange… it’s strange to me too, but we’re talking about practice man, we’re not even talking about the game… the actual game, when it matters… We’re talking about practice …