Over the weekend, sleepy New York radio host Mike Francesa was caravanned on over to the Super Bowl in New Orleans, escorted by a slew of police officers because law-breakers are everywhere. It turns out that the story is sort of not true, in that the police were just Mike Francesa cop buddies walking with him and not “escorting.” Whatever.
But tucked away in his story-refutation rant was the chuckles-worthy image of Mike Francesa’s knee replacement setting of TSA metal detectors at LaGuardia Airport. It happens every time, apparently. Except this time Francesa, in detail, shared his frustration with airport security procedures, which included a mini-rant against some poor TSA officer having to feel up all the crevices of Mike Francesa for 15 minutes. But of course, in Francesa’s eyes, he’s the victim here.
“When I got to the airport, I stood on every line. Not only did I stand on every line, but I hate metal check. It’s one of my least favorite things in the history of the world because of the fact that I have a knee replacement, and it goes off every time. I stood on the line…waited…waited…got up there, put all my stuff in the bin, and of course it went off. So the guy came ovah, and the policemen who were…the guys who were gonna hang out with me because I was there about an hour early, were waitin’ at the end when I got through. They were gonna join me again and walk with me and sit down and talk for a couple of minutes, talk a little sports. I got in there, and the guy said, ‘Do you want to go to an area where you can have a, you know, a private search, or do it here?’ I said, ‘Do it here!’ Well this guy, I’m telling you…now, I don’t fly – I don’t go to the airport too many times ’cause I don’t like it that much, okay? So I go in there, and this guy, proceeds basically to search me and basically pat me down for like 15 minutes, to the point where I was gonna slug him. I couldn’t take it anymore. And finally they clear me to go. It went on forever. I must have been with this guy for 10 minutes. It was like a second date by the time I finished with this guy.”
Huzzah! Everybody wants them some Mike Francesa bod. And by the way: Mike Francesa will let you feel him up on second dates. So much for romance these days.
You can take a listen to the whole deal here, if you’re so inclined: