Police Inform Paddleboarders That They’re Surrounded By 15 Great White Sharks

Police Inform Paddleboarders That They’re Surrounded By 15 Great White Sharks
  • Tanya Ray Fox

On Thursday, the police in Orange County, California took to the skies to deliver a friendly message to the paddleboarders, swimmers and beach loungers below: “SHAAAAAAAAAAAAARKS!”

Okay fine, that’s not what they said – but their actual message was only slightly less alarmist in tone:

“Attention in the water, attention in the water. This is the Orange County Sheriff’s Department. Be advised State Parks is asking us to make an announcement to let you know you are paddleboarding next to approximately 15 great white sharks. They are advising that you exit the water in a calm manner. The sharks are as close to the surf line. Thank you for your cooperation.”

That was the actual announcement, although I’m nearly positive that this is what the people in the water actually heard:

“Attention in the water, attention in the water. This is the Orange County Sheriff’s Department. Be advised State Parks is asking us to make an announcement to let you know you are paddleboarding next to approximately 15 great white sharks. If you didn’t enter a fear-blackout halfway through that last sentence, try to get to shore before your life becomes an Academy Award-winning adapted screenplay in which your untimely demise is portrayed by an A-list actor that vaguely resembles you but is 10-times better looking. In conclusion, I don’t know how we let this happen but you’re all totally fucked. Godspeed.”

I also love how they start out the warning by being like “sooo State Parks told us to tell you this.” Hey guys, I don’t think any of the potential shark chum in the ocean give a shit about your departmental chain of command. GET TO THE SHARKS PART.

This is simultaneously the scariest and funniest thing I have ever seen on Twitter. It has the uncomfortable, comedic horror of many a Key & Peele sketch. So obviously the internet had a little fun with this.

I can’t stop laughing. I’m horrified. Good day.

Tanya Ray Fox

Tanya Ray Fox is a sportswriter and producer who has worked for nearly 7 years in both digital and television sports media. She has previously worked in TV production experience for Comcast SportsNet New England, NFL Network and Time Warner Cable Sports. In addition to her work for SportsGrid and appearances on the affiliated FNTSY Sports Network, she is also a contributor for USA Today's Rams Wire.