MMA/BoxingPolice Blotter

UFC’s Nick Ring Is Basically Batman

After relaxing with some yoga and getting Starbucks, middleweight mixed martial arts fighter Nick Ring was driving down the streets of Calgary when he saw a young couple being beaten up and robbed at a bus stop. Those criminal punks thought had gotten away with it — but Nick Ring is no mere citizen. He quickly sprang into action, and the world is a safer place for it.

Here’s how the rest of the story goes, according to Yahoo! Sports:

Ring jumped out of his car, checked on the victims and then helped run down several of the suspects. Calgary police arrested three juveniles and charged them with common assault. Their names weren’t released, but they were a 17-year-old boy, a 16-year-old boy and a 15-year-old girl. Sgt. Kevin Brookwell, a spokesman for the Calgary police, said a fourth male juvenile is being sought for questioning and could also face arrest.

The victims were both 17, a boy and a girl. The boy was treated at a local hospital for minor injuries and released.

“I saw these little punk cowards picking on defenseless people and I knew they needed to come to justice,” Ring told Cagewriter.

Ring was seriously displeased with the criminals he helped to apprehend, also calling them “hoodlums” and “wannabe gangsters” who “watch too many movies” and “needed to be dealt with.” Indeed, they probably weren’t feeling so tough after being chased down by Ring and another man, who Ring said did most of the work with some “heroic actions.”

So let’s get this straight. Ring, coming from his day job, was drinking pricey coffee at night when he saw a crime being committed. He then caught one of the assailants and helped bring others to justice, only to pass the credit off to somebody else? Did he fly off in his pimped-out Batmobile to his cave fortress afterwards? Because that sounds an awful lot like the Dark Knight, who also deals in vigilante justice and then goes about his day, drinking expensive shit.

There may have been more assailants — Ring said he thought he saw 10 people ganging up on the young couple. So if you see anybody who might be a wannabe gangster coward robber committing a crime, either call the police or run to the nearest roof and turn on the Bat Signal, because Nick Ring will undoubtedly come by and whoop some ass.

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