What kind of sports blog would we be, if we didn’t show you Cam Newton riding on a segway, high-fiving people?

The Eagles’ Evan Mathis is doing his best to keep us entertained during the NFL offseason — first it was peeing on an IRS building, and now it’s worrying about Tim Tebow’s virgin status in the afterlife. Oh, and did you know that it was Tebow haters who killed JFK? All is explained following the jump.

Let’s Go Steeers! What are those? Like, cows or something? People are morons.

Nothing like a few millionaires getting showered in wedding gifts from adoring fans. If you act now, you can still get them this Nesco® American Harvest® Snackmaster® Encore™ Dehydrator and Jerky Maker. Also, a slideshow of his babe-fiancé after the jump.

Breaking: Jets have non-quarterbacks on their roster. Not Breaking: LOLJETS.

“I wouldn’t let Mark Sanchez throw me a paper bag sandwich.” Whoa.

Rolando McClain: BCS National Champion. Winner of the Lambert Award. The 8th overall pick in the 2010 Draft. An ex-Oakland Raiders linebacker. A very recent addition to the Baltimore Ravens. A dude who gets arrested in Decatur, AL pretty often. Now, you can add “ex-NFL player” to that distinguished list of accomplishments.