This week on Basketball Wives, the wives enjoyed their beautiful, meditative, sunny Tahitian vacation. And when they were done doing that, they got drunk and made each other feel bad.

Hey, you have to respect the dedication. Usain Bolt wants to win more Olympic gold medals, even if that means breaking up with his super fine Slovakian girlfriend in order to focus on training. Something tells us that sounded like a much better idea in theory than it will be in practice.

It’s certainly possible that Giants defensive end Osi Umenyiora sent the following tweet to the Eagles’ Lesean McCoy while taking a quick break from picking wildflowers and cooking brunch for his mother, but it doesn’t seem all that likely.

You would think that most pro athletes would shy away from recording vanity rap songs after we all saw what happened with Shaquille O’Neal and Kazaam, but Serena Williams must have missed the memo. The tennis superstar recorded a minute-long track at a recording studio in Florida owned by her close friend Bryan McKinnie, who, when not helping fellow athletes embarrass themselves, plays offensive tackle for the Baltimore Ravens. You can give it a listen after the jump.

It’s the greatest mystery of our time, and it just got a whole lot more mysterious: apparently, the Cubs ballgirl who was busted writing something down on a piece of paper, and handing it to a security guard during the game, was not giving her number to a member of the Atlanta Braves.

Let’s quickly run down the things Greg Oden is known for: dominant college player, #1 overall draft pick, injury-riddled NBA bust, huge dong. That last one came up in a new interview with Grantland. More, after the jump.

One way to fill a lull in a game while working as a ballgirl — give your phone number to a member of the opposing team. After the jump, the video evidence.

This week on Basketball Wives, it was hard to tell what was scarier in Tahiti — the sharks or Drunk Tami. Recap, after the jump.

Was this the first time ever that Danny Granger and Kyrylo Fesenko were harassed at the club? Both are rich, strong, and tower over most other human beings (Granger is 6’8″, Fesekno is 7’1″). And yet, that didn’t stop an unruly mob of Orlando club-goers from nearly eating them alive. Details after the jump.

Props are due to Jay Cutler. The starting quarterback for the Chicago Bears will walk whatever type of dog he wants, looking like the world is his apartment, and if you don’t like it, too bad. It takes balls to not care this much. The bigger picture, after the jump.