A clothed man ran on the field at the Alamo Bowl. Somehow, he got away, into the stands. Impressive video, after the jump.

Ladies and gentlemen, there is a new Guinness World record for running 100 meters on all fours. Yes, that is an actual thing.

Olympic gold medal winner Usain Bolt made a cameo on Saturday Night Live last night, showing up during the cold open sketch satirizing this week’s Vice Presidential debate between Joe Biden and Paul Ryan.

Remember Michelle Jenneke? No? Your favorite pre-race-warmup-dancing hurdler? That ring a bell? Thought so. Well, she’s still dancing, and still taking the internet by storm.

The Patriots may have just signed the fastest man in the NFL: Silver-medal-winning Olympic sprinter Jeff Demps. Why Madden players should take note, after the jump.

Want to get clicks for your online sports column? Tell the world that they’re stupid for not realizing that Usain Bolt is doping… just be sure to include zero hard evidence. The insanity, after the jump.

Carl Lewis doesn’t like all this Usain Bolt hysteria. He says we shouldn’t get too excited, cause the dude might be juicing. Oh, yeah? Usain has some words for you, fool! See them after the jump.

Usain Bolt set the Olympic record in the 100 meters, but he thinks he can run it faster. Michael Johnson says he can improve his technique. But more importantly, Bolt ate a McDonald’s chicken wrap before the race. That’s not proper nutrition. Our resident fast-food-sprinting-nutritionist is appalled, and thinks Bolt can break 9.4, if he takes some friendly suggestions. See those after the jump.

Apparently, a drunk fan with great seats at the Olympic men’s 100m final decided to throw his Heineken bottle onto the track, just as the race was starting. He was arrested, and fortunately, it didn’t affect any of the competitors. Video, after the jump.