While Ray Allen was at the line due to an ill-advised technical foul from Pacers’ guard Sam Young, who thought the refs were protecting LeBron with ticky-tacky calls, bench coach and former 90′s NBA player Brian Shaw made a rather insightful observation. I’m paraphrasing, but here’s the gist of what he said:

Due to a percieved empirical existence of the Platonic concept of “fairness”[1], (in the Western, normative sense), the Universe interdicts karmically incongruous resulting contingencies[2] by imbuing a sense of justice in leather sports orbs, who thereafter alter their flight pattern, correcting the malfeasance of fallible officiating[3].

Actual quote: “Ball don’t lie.” Then he got a tech himself, whereby Ray Allen hit the ensuing free throw. Was the ball lying then? It would appear so. Therefore, if the ball doesn’t lie, and it goes in after a technical accrued from espousing such, logic dictates that the sense of justice that rules the universe is reflexive, and ultimately contradictory. Sports!

[1] Dr. Rasheed Wallace, et al (1999). Portland.
[2] Dr. Rasheed Wallace, et al (2004). Detroit.
[3] Sir Dr. Rasheed Wallace, et al (2013). New York.

H/T NBA Lottery Pick

“Should have happened” isn’t a fair way to assess the reality of what did happen. But for the sake of talking about LeBron James and the Indiana Pacers, the Heat should have lost Game 1, (were it not for a flukey over play on the part of Paul George and a personel malfunction on the part of Coach Frank Vogel). LeBron should have never won that game (that play was meant for Ray Allen to shoot a three, anyways). That easy game winner should have never been a part of his legacy — if not for the reasons I just gave, very few players (especially the crunch-time-phobic LeBron) can come up big with 2.5 seconds left in a playoff game. Especially against the Pacers.

I mean they can, but not with uncontested layups.

LeBron was supposed to blow it, and here’s why: He’s always scared he’s gonna blow it because he’s a gigantic pussy.

I digress. Last night was prime example of his, um, stage fright. LeBron deferred twice in the last few possessions of Game 2, predictably, because the Pacers’ were there to pick him off. So, for the sake of my greater point: LeBron ostensibly lost the game. He giveth, he taketh away.

So what the hell is wrong with LeBron? Well, you can start with his obvious aversion to criticism. What kind of major celebrity picks taking less money/visibility/fame with the relatively obscure Miami Heat over more money with your hometown Cavaliers, the New York Knicks, or the Chicago Bulls?

Answer: Someone who is trying to avoid the searing heat of the ephemeral crunch time spotlight, that’s who.

I know this is old news, but it’s rooted in the same egotistical garbage that causes LeBron to do shit like throw the ball away twice in the final minute of a critical Game 2. It’s like Miguel Cabrera taking a called third strike to end the ALCS. “My turnovers are the first thing I look at on the stat sheet after the game,” he said at the post game press conference. Glad that you’re looking at your stat sheet.

Next time, try looking at the hoop.

For all the criticism that Kobe and Carmelo and, to a lesser extent, Michael-goddamn-Jordan, have historically come under for shooting the rock too much, LeBron can be accused of shooting the rock too little. It’s a pussy move. The best players in every major sport aren’t supposed to be afraid (I speculate he’s afraid, but it’s a justified assessment of Bron’s mental given the circumstance). Even to the detriment of their legacy. Even if it hurts their egos. Peyton Manning throws huge picks in huge games and gets called a choke artist. Not for lack of trying or concentration or quality decision making or whatever.

It’s because he wants to win that bad.

LeBron gets called the most efficient player in basketball, and the best player ever by a lot of really credible people, without having to put his reputation on the line in that way. He’s the best cesar salad you’ve ever had. He is the mutual fund of NBA superstars: steady yield, low risk. But it seems he wants to slink in his seat at the end of games, and sit on his 14-20 shooting (ya, that’s what he did in Game 2) and deflect the responsibility of being the best player in the sport by hiding behind that I’m-great-because-I-pass-a-lot-too! crap. Give me a break.

Be stronger than everybody in more ways than just physically. Have the emotional fortitude to take the jabs people will throw at you (and your legacy) after you miss a game winner. It’s cliché, but go down swinging. That’s ok. No one will fault you for trying, and that’s a legacy in and of itself to be proud of.

Face it, the issue IS his legacy. And he’s insecure about it. He knows he’ll win more titles. He knows he’ll win more MVP awards. He hears the praise. So live up to it in spirit — not just on the stat sheet as the most efficient, well-rounded player ever (seriously, thats what he was this season).

Why not just take the shot, for better or worse, because you have to, and forget that you’ll never be what Jordan was? (Jordan never lost a playoff series, let alone played in a Game 7.) Just be you. Quit the posturing. Quit the stoic bullshit after you hit a playoff game-winner. Quit acting the part of the hero and just be the hero (Phil Jackson wisdom, not Eric Spolestra X’s and O’s). Get over yourself, dude, before your chicken shit attitude pushes you out of the “best ever” conversation all together, and the 2013 Playoffs.

And give Udonis Haslem some daps for Christ’s sake!

Terry Francona playfully beat the shit out of his old friend and former co-worker (sort of, Don Orsillo is an announcer for NESN) in the visiting team dugout at Fenway park Friday. Not a whole to say here, other than Terry Francona is hilarious (as if you didn’t already know that from his Cleveland Indians Harlem Shake intro).

Or the time he got lost on his two block scooter ride to Progressive Field. And then ate his dog in a fit of desperation.

Even as a Yankee fan, I can recognize Francona is way more awesome than any Yankee manager since the Buck Showalter days. Those kind of awesome, normal dudes get their souls ripped out coaching in New York. Imagine Joe Torre doing that with Michael Kay, or Mike D’antoni doing that with Walt Clyde Fraiser. That kind of “horseplay” is just not part of the buttoned-down culture, and that sucks because this little playful moment was awesome and charming and humanizing and…wait, what am I saying? That’s the Red Sox. Getouttahereeeeeeeee.

H/T NESN

It’s important to have a sense of humor about yourself. Period. But for some people, it’s just that much funnier when they do. After ESPN dropped that 1980′s angsty hard rocking teen Sportscenter commercial, it became apparent that John Clayton is one of those people.

Maybe it has something to do with his football expertise vis á vis he dissimilarities with the chili swiggin’, former-pro-turned-ESPN-talking-head Mark Schlereth. (Oh, and if you don’t know who either of these people are, they talk about football for a living. One makes cameo’s on soap operas like Guiding Light. The other starred in cult classic Mac and Me.)

Either way, here he is prepping for his big day (yesterday) throwing out the first pitch at the Mariners’ game. And here’s his pitch. If it he whizzed in a fastball right on the black it’d be fitting. Alas, he threw like a girl, which, from a comedy perspective, was a pitch perfect end to the bit.

Speaking of pitches, who pitches these ideas to ESPN, or Clayton for that matter. “Hey, John, are you busy Friday? We’re thinking of lampooning your dorkiness, then sending you out onto a major league diamond to throw a baseball 90 feet in front of 20,000 people. Also, we’re gonna need those TPS reports so if you could just come in over the weekend…”

So I was swapping 49ers stories with a friend recently, and he told me about the time that former 49ers owner Eddie DeBartolo visited the Vatican.

It was the early 1980s, and DeBartolo was accompanied on the trip to Rome by Monsignor Peter Armstrong, who was team chaplain for the 49ers at the time. Armstrong, who passed away in 2009, was known as the Pigskin Priest — he presided over the weddings of Joe Montana and Jerry Rice, counseled many of the players, and was even instrumental in the effort to get the Astroturf removed from Candlestick Park and replaced with natural grass.

He was the team chaplain for all five of the 49ers’ Super Bowl victories, and as such received five Super Bowl rings, which he kept in a display case in his office.

And for one of those Super Bowl wins, he was even more influential than many people knew.

So, my friend proceeds to tell me this story:

“DeBartolo visited the Vatican one year, and Monsignor Armstrong accompanied him. They had an audience with the Pope, and DeBartolo had some rosaries to be blessed. And right before the Pope blessed them, the Monsignor handed him a 49ers schedule, and DeBartolo slipped it underneath.

“So the Pope blessed that too. And that was the season the 49ers won their first Super Bowl.”

My friend’s dates may be a little off, but that’s basically all true. We have corroboration from this Oct., 1984 story in the Extra Points section of Sports Illustrated:

Last July, DeBartolo visited the Vatican and had an audience with Pope John Paul II. “There I was, standing before him, waiting to be blessed,” DeBartolo says. “I had about 50 of my family’s rosaries in my hand. And right before he laid his hand down to bless them, I slipped the 49ers schedule on top.”

And, just in case that wasn’t enough, “I was also holding the cloth Monsignor Peter Armstrong uses in our pregame prayers,” DeBartolo says. “It was about 105 degrees, and the Pope wiped his forehead on it. Hey, that has to cover us.”

And it did. The 49ers went on to beat the Dolphins in the 1985 Super Bowl at Stanford Stadium, which is the closest an NFL team has come to winning the Super Bowl in their home city (Palo Alto is about 30 miles south of San Francisco).

Your move, Jim Harbaugh. Flights leaving for Rome several times per day.

Octopus Miguel Cabrera swings and sends a deep fly ball to … left, center, left again, right, center, left … they’re gone! Tigers lead 6-0.

Poor Tommy Hunter cannot be happy with this. I’m pretty sure the Orioles pitcher only gave up one of these homers.

Here’s Darvish:

Both GIFS were constructed by Drew Sheppard at Fangraphs, the former to illustrate Cabrera’s impressive plate coverage (none of the balls he hit appear to be strikes. Pablo Sandoval approves). All went for home runs.

Thanks also to Next Impulse Sports.

* To have your question answered by Mike for the world to see, send him an email or tweet and you might get lucky…

The new RotoExperts Daily Clubhouse has all you need to win big every night in Daily Fantasy Baseball – expert picks, tools to identify hot and bargain players, plus official lineups and podcasts/radio shows just prior to game time! Don’t set your lineups without visiting the Daily Clubhouse first. Then set your winning rosters on DraftKings.

About the author: Mike Cardano is the Sr. Business Administrator & an On-Air Personality for RotoExperts. You may email Mike @ michael.cardano@rotoexperts.com or follow him on Twitter @MikeCardano. You can listen to Mike on Sirius XM Fantasy Sports Radio with Scott Engel and the morning crew Tuesday mornings at 10 a.m. ET.

The UEFA Champions league final is on Saturday (2:45 ET on Fox, called by Gus Johnson). If most of your sports consumption comes via ESPN, I will initiate you to this mysterious event. The Champions league is a European (so, basically global) soccer (football!) competition in which the champions and top finishers in leagues around Europe play against each other for a title Super-Bowl-esque prestige. Two teams from Germany’s Bundesliga will play for the trophy, in one game, on a neutral field, London’s Wembley Stadium. If you know a single team in the Bundesliga, you will know one of the teams: Bayern Munich. The other is a lesser known “underdog” (though not nearly as much of an underdog as some media folk will try to preach… they won two straight Bundesliga titles before Bayern won this year). They are Borussia Dortmund, and they hail from Dortmund, Germany, despite the presence of “Russia” in their name. (Borussia is the latin name for Prussia, according to SOURCES.)

Most importantly, Dortmund’s coach is Jürgen Klopp. Whether you like soccer or not, you will like this man. If not, then you should lock yourself in a YouTube comment section and rot away in the slimy corners of the internets. He is not that other German soccer Jürgen of whom you may have heard. He is better. He is the Dos Equis Man of German soccer. He is the Dunkelweisen Dude.

Here is why the Dunkelweisen Dude deserves such praise, despite being of the “coaches” demographic, one known for producing biting some of our finest fascist fuckwads.

To start you off, seven seconds of comedic gold.

You think soccer is boring? Jürgen Klopp does not tolerate boring soccer. And he thinks his team is somewhat sexy.

No, really. He is the best.

(While discussing losing his best player to Bayern, cuz they’re the George Steinbrenner Yankees of the Bundesliga. Little-known fact: George Steinbrenner got his last name after his German cousin, Jürgen Stein had his name Americanized at Ellis Island.)

“What can I say?” Klopp says with his only shrug in a 90-minute interview at Puma’s office in Dortmund. “If that’s what Bayern wants … It’s like James Bond – except they are the other guy [the villain].”

Obligatory note: Puma is still a thing in the soccer world. LOLPUMA. I knew Puma was stupid when I was six. I should have short-sold, or whatever that thing is. They sponsor Dortmund.

“We are not a supermarket but they want our players because they know we cannot pay them the same money. It could not be our way to do things like Real and Bayern and not think about taxes – and let the next generation pick up our problems. We need to work seriously and sensibly. We have this amount of money so we can pay that amount. But we lose players. Last year it was Shinji Kagawa.”

He hits his head with his palm. “Shinji Kagawa is one of the best players in the world and he now plays 20 minutes at Manchester United – on the left wing! My heart breaks. Really, I have tears in my eyes. Central midfield is Shinji’s best role. He’s an offensive midfielder with one of the best noses for goal I ever saw. But for most Japanese people it means more to play for Man United than Dortmund. We cried for 20 minutes, in each others’ arms, when he left…if players are patient enough we can develop the team into one of the biggest in the world…”

Some Dortmund players were so affected they could not sleep after hearing Götze’s news. “That’s the truth,” Klopp concedes. “I called six or seven players who I knew were damaged in the heart. They thought they were not good enough – and they wanted to win together. That’s the reason it hurt them so much. But Bayern told Mario: ‘It’s now or never.’ I told him they will come next year. They will come in two years, and then three years. But he’s 20 and he thought: ‘I must go.’ I know how difficult it will be to find a player to replace Götze but, next year, we will play differently. It just takes time…

“I got more in life than I was ever supposed to get – family, money, football. None of my teachers, or my parents, ever believed this would happen to me. So how can this perfect life of mine be spoilt because they take our players? It’s better if they stay but I’m not sure we’d be stronger. You need change to make the next step in the team’s development. If all these players had stayed I would have to go because there’d be nothing new. If I say ‘Go left’, they would say: ‘You’ve told us that 200 times – we don’t want to hear your voice any more.’ That’s life – so you need new players. It’s not an easy situation but I can handle it. I am an absolutely normal guy but it’s not so difficult to find a moment to be their friend or, well, [he grins] teacher.”

Really, read that whole interview. It’s incredible.

There are two songs about him. This one is in English!

He is also the nicest. Nice coach is an oxymoron, says Urban Saban Martin.

Yes, it is not like the Olympic motto ‘The most important thing is not to win but to take part’. The preparations have been extremely intensive and thus there is just one reason why we participate in the final: To win it!

I really hope that people will see that this is the reason why we go there. We have made it so far in the tournament whilst at the same time being the fairest team in the competition and this is also the way we want to present ourselves to the audience in the final, because we are convinced fairplay is the right way.

I hope that this will also work out for us in the final. But I could also not claim we deserve it more than Bayern does. The team that wins in the end will be the team that deserves it the most.

This we will have to respect and acknowledge if it isn’t us, but right now we still have some time to make sure it will be us who lifts the trophy. Until then we will do our best to maximise all our resources.

This is nowhere near the end of his Klopptacular moments. Here, he drinks a beer and burps during an interview. He’s just like you and me! (Plus a couple million euros.) I could go on all day. Just search Jürgen Klopp in YouTube, and be entertained for the rest of your life.

Jürgonna never forget the the day you discovered Jürgen. (Sorry.)

Photo via

When Maggie Ciara took a math quiz recently, she answered one of the questions in an unconventional way. What is 9×9? Maggie responded: ‘9×9 = Hossa.’ That’s for Blackhawks’ wing Marian Hossa, who wears No. 81.

“I thought it would be funny to do it,” Maggie, a third-grader said from her Oak Lawn home Thursday.

Her teacher, Christine Mech, circled the answer and wrote “What is this?” in red pen. When Maggie explained her response, Mech gave her credit, and she received an A+.

“Maggie is a very clever little girl,” said Mech, who’s a Hawks fan and knew what Maggie was up to. “I love the way Maggie has a sense of humor. She did get her 100 percent on the quiz, and we had a little bit of a laugh afterward.”

Maggie’s mother put it all on Facebook, of course. Soon the Blackhawks put it on their Facebook page, and now it’s going viral.

Diane Daisy Jucius Ciara
Wednesday
This is what my daughter brings home today. She wrote this six more times for an answer and still got an A+!!!
Go Hawks!!

Don’t know what the big deal is. 9×9 does equal Hossa.

Photo via

However tenuous this video’s connection to sports may be (Reminder: Kate Upton was once in Sports Illustrated, giving us the right — nay, the responsibility — to keep you updated on her happenings), we hope you laugh. We kinda sorta did. We were distracted. By Kate Upton. You understand, don’t you?

[GQ]

Here’s Adam Ansell’s Top 25, for Charlotte.

1. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson finished fourth at Darlington for his third Top 5 finish in his last three Cup starts. In 23 starts at Charlotte Motor Speedway, Johnson has six wins (2003, 2004 sweep, 2005 sweep, 2009), 11 Top 5s, 15 Top 10s and three poles with an Average Finish of 11.4. He’s led at least one lap in 20 of his 23 starts. He’s qualified fourth-or-better 10 times. Since the inception of Loop Data in 2005, Johnson leads all competitors in Driver Rating (111.7), Average Running Position (7.9), Laps in the Top 15 (4,932), Fastest Laps Run (544) and Average Green Flag Speed (176.653 mph). His Average Finish of 6.7 and 44-point lead on the field in the Cup standings is abnormally dominant for the normally dominant Johnson. He’s running as well as he ever has and Fantasy owners that can spare a Tiered/Grouping format start on the No. 48 should do so.

2. Kasey Kahne: Kahne finished a middling 17^th at Darlington despite a 5.1 ARP. In 18 starts at CMS, Kahne has four wins (2006 sweep, 2008, 2012), seven Top 5s and 10 Top 10s with an Average Finish of 12.4. He led 96 laps in his May 2012 victory at the site. Kahne ranks third in DR (98.0) and in ARP (12.4). He has an Average Finish of 26.7 in his last three Cup starts and zero laps led in his last seven starts. But Charlotte is arguably his best track and this is the week Kahne turns it around. He will come at a very solid value in Tiered/Grouping formats.

3. Denny Hamlin: In his first full race since a broken vertebra, Hamlin finished second at Darlington while posting a solid 7.5 ARP. In 15 Charlotte starts, Hamlin has three Top 5s and eight Top 10s with an Average Finish of 14.1. He’s led at least one lap in six of his last seven starts. Hamlin ranks sixth in DR (92.1) and fifth in ARP (12.9). After a four-race absence, Hamlin dusted off those cobwebs in a hurry. He has four consecutive Top 5s at CMS and will extend that streak to five this weekend.

4. Kyle Busch: Busch dominated at Darlington, leading 265 of 367 laps for a 1.4 ARP but a late miscue caused him to finish sixth. In 18 CMS starts, Busch has eight Top 5s, 11 Top 10s and one pole with an Average Finish of 15.3. He’s led at least 36 laps in five of his last six starts. Busch ranks second in DR (107.7), ARP (9.6), Laps in the Top 15 (4,565) and Average Green Flag Speed (176.527 mph). He leads all drivers in Laps Led (793) and Quality Passes (833). His slump of three straight 24^th-place-or-worse finishes is over and Fantasy owners can confidently roll Busch this weekend.

5. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth won his third race of 2013 at Darlington, leading 17 laps with an ARP of 3.4. In 27 starts at Charlotte, Kenseth has two wins (2000, 2011), seven Top 5s and 14 Top 10s with an Average Finish of 14.2. He led 46 laps in his 2011 win. Kenseth ranks fourth in DR (94.4) and in ARP (14.8). He’s posted four-straight finishes of eighth of better (Average Finish of 4.3) and it seems the No. 20 shows up on a weekly basis with the best car on the track. Kenseth can be trusted in all formats.

6. Carl Edwards: Edwards finished seventh at Darlington, giving him three-straight Top 10s. In 16 CMS starts, Edwards has five Top 5s and 10 Top 10s with an Average Finish of 12.0. He’s led at least one lap in three of his last five starts. Edwards ranks seventh in DR (89.0) and 10^th in ARP (15.4). The difference between Edwards in 2012 and 2013 is he’s able to salvage quality finishes out of mediocre races. He’s taken an ARP of 12.7 and turned that into an Average Finish of 5.3 over his last three starts. He’s a must-start in Tiered/Grouping formats.

7. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Junior finished ninth at Darlington, giving him two Top 10s in his last three Cup starts. In 26 starts at CMS, Earnhardt Jr. has five Top 5s, 11 Top 10s and one pole with an Average Finish of 18.8. He’s led at least two laps in two of his last five starts. Earnhardt Jr. ranks 18^th in DR (78.8) and 25^th in ARP (20.2). Fantasy owners looking to play it safe and secure a high-probability Top 10 should look no further than the No. 88 ride at Charlotte.

8. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fifth at Darlington. In 24 Charlotte starts, Harvick has one win (2011), two Top 5s and seven Top 10s with an Average Finish of 18.0. He’s led at least one lap in three of his last five starts. Harvick ranks 22^nd in DR (75.6) and 21^st in ARP (18.9). Outside of 42^nd (Daytona) and 40^th-place (Talladega) finishes at restrictor-plate tracks, Harvick hasn’t finished worse than 14^th in any race. Now that he’s started putting up Top 5s, the No. 29 is a great value play across the board.

9. Greg Biffle: Biffle failed to record a Top 10 for the fourth-straight race with a 13^th-place finish at Darlington. In 20 starts at CMS, Biffle has five Top 5s, eight Top 10s and one pole with an Average Finish of 16.4. He’s led at least 50 laps in each of his last four starts. Biffle ranks fifth in DR (94.1) and seventh in ARP (13.9). He finished fourth in both Charlotte races in 2012 so I’m banking on The Biff using this race a spring board to bounce back into form.

10. Jeff Gordon: Gordon tied a season-high with a third-place finish at Darlington. In 40 Charlotte starts, Gordon has five wins (1994, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2007), 16 Top 5s, 21 Top 10s and eight poles with an Average Finish of 15.7. He’s led at least two laps in six of his last seven starts. Gordon ranks 10^th in DR (87.3) and 12^th in ARP (15.9). He’s starting to round into form by showing that consistency that made him famous. Fantasy owners should consider Gordon a risk-reward option with a lot of value attached.

11. Brad Keselowski: One Top 5 and one pole with an Average Finish of 15.7 in seven CMS starts. 83.2 DR.

12. Mark Martin: Four wins (1992, 1995, 1998, 1999), 18 Top 5s, 24 Top 10s, two poles with an Average Finish of 16.6 in 56 Charlotte starts. 88.2 DR.

13. Clint Bowyer: One win (2012), two Top 5s and four Top 10s with an Average Finish of 16.4 in 14 starts at CMS. 80.0 DR.

14. Aric Almirola: One pole with an Average Finish of 14.0 in two appearances at CMS. 84.8 DR.

15. Joey Logano: Two Top 5s and five Top 10s with an Average Finish of 10.1 in eight CMS starts. 88.4 DR.

16. Jamie McMurray: 77.0 DR.

17. Paul Menard: 64.0.

18. Kurt Busch: 82.1.

19. Martin Truex Jr.: 74.6.

20. Ricky Stenhouse Jr.: 64.6.

21. Tony Stewart

22. Ryan Newman

23. Marcos Ambrose

24. Juan Pablo Montoya

25. Jeff Burton

Value Village

1. Regan Smith: Finished eighth in the May 2011 event at CMS.

2. David Ragan: Finished second in the May 2011 race with an ARP of 7.0.

3. Casey Mears: Won the May 2007 race with a DR of 110.8.

2013 NASCAR.com Fantasy Live Lineup for Charlotte (Salary Cap)

Jimmie Johnson         $27.75
Kasey Kahne              $25.25

Carl Edwards             $24.25
Ricky Stenhouse Jr.    $13.25
Regan Smith              $ 9.50

Total: $100.00

Photo via

As we all know, football players are big people (the average weight of NFL players in the 250-range), and linemen are even bigger. There are hundreds of men who weigh over 300 pounds in today’s NFL. But the 400 pound plateau is a level not many have attained.

Meet Terrell Brown, a former defensive tackle at Ole Miss who just signed a contract with the St. Louis Rams. The undrafted free agent was previously listed at 6’10”, 385 pounds. Now? 403.

Rams coach Jeff Fisher discussed these findings:

“Actually, we weighed him in at 403,” Rams coach Jeff Fisher said. “We had him in for the tryout, and he had some issues that we had to clear up from a physical standpoint. He got them put behind him.”

This isn’t just an issue of “God damn that guy is huge!” The ideal weight for someone that height is around 250 pounds — even if you pack on another 100 pounds or so just because he plays football, he’s still 50 pounds overweight. And the enormousness of NFL teams — while a temporary asset when trying to open up running lanes or get after the quarterback — is coming back to haunt many former players. This New York Times article from 2011 details just a few of the high-profile big men who died early from complications via obesity, including Reggie White and Norman Hand.

Think about it this way: The dude nicknamed “The Refrigerator” weighed about 325. Terrell Brown is the equivalent of the Fridge holding an 11-year-old boy.

We hope the Rams can help Brown get into some semblance of shape in the near future. We don’t need anything like this going down on an NFL sideline:

[CBS Sports]

Photo via

SI‘s Point Forward evaluated the speculation and brought this video to our attention, as we directed you to in our roundup yesterday. But it’s entertaining enough for its own post. Here you go:

Jimmy didn’t know that Jerry Seinfeld played for the Hornets!

[TBJ, via Point Forward]

As The Big Lead points out, we have no idea why C.J. Spiller is on video with WGRZ’s Jonah Javad discussing Spongebob Squarepants in an almost academic manner. This is all we are given by WGRZ.

Some days, Buffalo Bills running back CJ Spiller plays football. Some days, he ponders the character development in “SpongeBob SquarePants.” Caution: Weird video.

Cryptic. Though I’m sure he often does both on the same day.

Tomorrow, Adrian Peterson asks “what’s so modern about Rocco’s life, anyway?” while eating wiener schnitzel.

[The Big Lead]

Spongebob photo via, hot dog photo via

From the looks of the video, Tortorella is arguing a slow whistle by means of using the word “fuck” a lot. You can hear the referee’s response, which also includes the word “fuck” (NSFW, obviously):

Hockey: A Great Fucking Game. Thanks, Gatorade, for sponsoring that.

[BI Sports]

Your Daily Yam.

It’s still not looking very good for the Rangers against the Bruins in this second round series. The Boston team is up 3-1 with the next game in Boston. But the Rangers showed some pride last night in finally taking a game, and they did so in dramatic fashion. Chris Kreider is credited with scoring this goal, but it was really a team effort. Watch:

The pass to set up the deflection is definitely the best part.

What Else Happened Last Night?

The Wings beat the Hawks 2-0; Kings over Sharks 3-0; a light MLB day was highlighted by Terry Francona’s return to Fenway Park — his Indians crushed the Red Sox 12-2.

What’s On Tap Today?

Game 2 of Pacers-Heat at 8:30 p.m. ET; Pens try to close out the Sens at 7:30 p.m. ET; WEEKEND BEGINS.

It’s Friday. For those of you who didn’t get paid last Friday, I hope today is the day.

This is from Tuesday, but just came to our attention (and we’re sorta into this sorta thing, as evidenced by our lengthy feature on stalkers and creepy packages and their relation to Beadle). Apparently, the Erin Andrews vs. Michelle Beadle “feud” is a real thing, sort of. We discovered this via a Beadle interview on the Dan Patrick show.

Skip to 9:45.

So, it’s a thing, but it’s not a thing that affects her life. But that’s because she clearly tries to avoid Andrews. So, feud! Two popular people! Sports!

But, not especially exciting. Oh, well. If you’re looking for an actual, physical fight in sports media, you’ll have to send the baddest internet thug on Twitter, to Bristol, and sic him on Skip Bayless. There will be blood.

[Bleacher Report]

Beadle photo via, Andrews photo via

Bryce Hunter?

But that was only one of several mistakes in this error-prone offering — the ’62 Mets of TV graphics. Here are all of the mistakes, courtesy of Next Impulse Sports (motto: The Magic Is In the Details):

Instead of Bryce Harper they named him “Bryce Hunter.”

Bryce Harper plays for the Washington Nationals and not the Detroit Tigers.

They listed Matt Harvey as “Matt Jones.”

Matt Harvey plays for the New York Mets and not for the Baltimore Orioles.

They got Manny Machado’s name correct, but then put him on the Chicago White Sox instead of the Orioles.

I am not sure if this is foreshadowing, but as of right now superstar Mike Trout is currently a member of the Los Angeles Angels and not the New York Yankees.

Mount Rushmore, as imagined by Fox Sports Kansas City:

So yeah, that went well.

But even though Vick is still getting death threats, another city official has given him a ceremonial key. Philly Mag:

Atlantic City Mayor Lorenzo Langford is presenting Michael Vick with a key to the city Thursday afternoon for his support in the wake of Hurricane Sandy.

“Michael Vick is caring and compassionate enough to reach out to our city when we were at our lowest point during the immediate aftermath of Super Storm Sandy,” said Mayor Langford. “Twelve hours after a nationally televised Monday Night Football game, he was lifting the spirits of our residents confined to shelters with his generosity’ particularly our young people.

“And now, here he is again, helping us to spread the message that Atlantic City is open for business and ready for the summer season, all while continuing to encourage our youth to make positive contributions to the community.”

Vick was in town to back the “Restore the Shore” effort. He is scheduled to take a tour of the revitalized Atlantic City Boardwalk before meeting with local high school students.

Although I’m sure Vick’s efforts on the behalf of storm victims was meaningful, it all sounds like a PR gig to me. Both on behalf of Vick, and the boardwalk.

Dog Mayor does not approve.

Make no mistake, there are still many people who hate Vick with the flaming passion of a thousand suns. And it’s not really subsiding.

H/T SportsbyBrooks.

This happened Wednesday when AS Roma president and Celtics minority owner James Pallotta visited the Vatican with a special gift for His Most Holy Father. Roma is playing in the Coppa Italia on Sunday vs. Lazio.

If you’ve ever seen an episode of The Borgias you know that it’s essential to get on the Pope’s good side at times like these. Can’t wait for the day when they raise this jersey to the ceiling of St. Peter’s Basilica.

But who are we kidding? We know the Pope has a Packers jersey and foam cheesehead that he never takes off while sitting around the house.

Photos: Associated Press.

This story is filled with so much comedy goodness that I don’t know where to start. Well, how about with the potential criminal charges? That’s always a good place. While at the Penn Valley Rodeo (north of Sacramento, CA), Anthony Hill and his wife, Christina Salinas, got into an argument which resulted in the woman biting her husband in the penis.

CBS Sacramento:

Hill wanted to leave early, she wanted to stay. When they got home, the argument continued. Salinas’ ex-husband tried to separate the two, and when both men went to hold her down, that’s when she allegedly bit his penis.

But he says he’s already made up with her, saying it’s just what they normally do — except they don’t call 911.

Key graph:

“I’ve assaulted her before in arguments,” Hill said. “We work it out and I went beyond that.”

Other important notes:

• According to the story, Anthony had never been to a rodeo before. Yep, it was literally his first rodeo.

• The couple live in Rough and Ready, CA.

• The station covering the story even worked up a fancy graphic for the occasion. Nice one, CBS13-Sacramento graphics team. Although instead of a horseshoe I would have gone with a set of teeth. Or a penis.

The happy couple. And a friend.

* To have your question answered by Mike for the world to see, send him an email or tweet and you might get lucky…

The new RotoExperts Daily Clubhouse has all you need to win big every night in Daily Fantasy Baseball – expert picks, tools to identify hot and bargain players, plus official lineups and podcasts/radio shows just prior to game time! Don’t set your lineups without visiting the Daily Clubhouse first. Then set your winning rosters on DraftKings.

The theater company which wants to put on the production is still trying to crowdsource funding for it. Monk Parrots, a theater company based in New York, says it needs 30 percent of its remaining $67,000 product0ion cost to come from the public, meaning that they’re seeking $20,000 through USA Projects (a crowsource funding site a la Kickstarter). “If we do not reach the minimum goal of $20,000 by 11:59 PM on Sunday, June 30, 2013, we will not receive any of the pledges and the project will not be funded.”

And that would be a bummer, if this synopsis of the opera by its author, Luke Leonard, is any indication:

Bum Phillips is a world premiere opera about an icon of the National Football League and America: O.A. “Bum” Phillips, head coach of the Houston Oilers in the late 1970s. The opera will be an epic portrait combining aspects of Phillips’ life using the structure of a football game, exploring how one man’s passion fueled an entire city’s hope and examining his ability to overcome strife through resilience and faith. Encouraged by Phillips’ motivational skills and homespun principles, we aim to push the boundaries of where and for whom opera is staged.

In 2011, I recalled my high school football days growing up in Texas and in a flash conceived an opera based on Bum Phillips. I was further inspired by reading Coach Phillips’ autobiography, Bum Phillips: Cowboy, Coach, Christian.

It will all be 100 percent nightmare fuel, if this rehearsal still is any indication.

If funding goals are met, the opera will be here in June of 2014. Fingers crossed! Wave your white hankies!

Thanks to Steph Stradley.

The web roundup for Thursday, May 23. Be sure to like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. See anything that should be on SportsGrid? Send it to tips@sportsgrid.com.

1. Kelly Tripucka and the 1988 Hornets uniforms.

We hope a similar press conference happens in 2014. [Ball Don't Lie]

2. The All-NBA Teams have been revealed.

If you guessed that LeBron made the first team, you’re right. [ESPN]

3. Anquan Boldin is much, much older than we thought.

When ESPN makes simple mistakes, the Internet pounces. [Deadspin]

4. NBA siblings in photos.

No one is topping the Gasols at this point. [reddit]

Not sports related, still important.

McDonald’s introduced the Mega Potato; so, Tim Dog isn’t dead?; Obama’s 1979 prom photos; also, his speech from today.

And finally, tonight…

A difficult video, but an important cause.

Authorities in these various jurisdictions should be aware that there’s an epidemic of people catching hurtling baseballs while holding babies. To help their investigations, we’ve compiled a list of the Top Six Catches. First, here’s the Giants catch, during their game with the Nationals.

Best catch of the season? This Reds baby begs to differ! Baby fight!

Also from this season, Astros baby and the magic hat.

And … what’s this? Is that the Atlanta Braves’ baby entrance music I hear?

No, no, no says Richmond Flying Squirrels baby. My mom’s catch was best by far.

Here’s Cubs baby, muscling his way in to the Top Six.

And our winner is … this South Korean girl, whose father catc … no! He drops it! And he drops his daughter! What a costly error here on the baseball baby catching list.

I guess the key here is youth: you have to be small enough to fit into the crook of your parents’ arm. Once you hit 3 years old, you’re pretty much finished in the baby baseball catching game.

This week, we take a look at the rise of a highly touted Orioles arm, some middle infield power from the great Northwest and two older prospects flying off the rails in the mid-minors.

ON THE UPSWING

Kevin Gausman (SP, BAL)

Unless you live under a rock, you’ve probably heard that Gausman was somewhat unexpectedly called up to the majors this week, making his debut on Thursday against the Toronto Blue Jays. I’m not sure how he’ll fare as of the time of writing, but Gausman presents an intriguing high risk/high reward proposition for owners looking for a SP boost. Despite Gausman’s LSU pedigree and status as a high draft pick, it’s reasonable to question whether he’s ready for the majors after just 14 MiLB starts. At the same time, it’s easy to ask why he can’t dominate at the game’s highest level, too.

Gausman’s Double-A stat line looks almost too good to be true through 46.1 innings in Double-A this year. His K/BB rate is 9.80. He’s given up just three homeruns. His WHIP sits at a solid 1.06 and his BABIP of .313 and left on-base percentage (LOB%) of 64.9% actually suggest he’s been a bit unlucky to this point, too. You’d like to see him go a bit deeper into games, as he’s averaging less than 6 IP a start right now, but that’s pretty standard for a minor leaguer. Sixty-three total MiLB innings is a small sample from which to judge, but one can argue that there’s not much Gausman has left to prove in the minors. I don’t think you’ll see him immediately emerge as one of the game’s young stars, but he’ll definitely put up some dazzling starts against weaker competition, even if he throws in a few clunkers as well. Pick him up in medium-to-deep leagues and roll the dice.

Nick Franklin (SS/2B, SEA)

From the perspective of a prospect evaluator, Franklin has had a very interesting career and one that makes it tough to peg his future numbers once he establishes himself in the majors. Once viewed as a slick-fielding shortstop with little pop, we saw Franklin destroy High-A in 2010 with an unexpected power surge, then lose power in the upper minors but start hitting for higher averages. Franklin is no longer a lock to stay at short but he can definitely handle second base, and as he sits in Triple-A mashing the ball as we speak, it wouldn’t be surprising to see him summoned to the majors soon.

Through 163 PA this season, Franklin is hitting .318/.441/.481 in Triple-A. He’s only hit four homers but he’s walking a ridiculous (and unsustainable) 17.8% of the time, and he’s a perfect 6-for-6 in steals as well. A switch-hitter with notoriously poor platoon numbers from the right side, Franklin has stepped up this aspect of his game this season, albeit in only 35 PA. With the likes of Brendan Ryan, Robert Andino and the eminently disappointing Dustin Ackley ahead of him, look for the Mariners to summon Franklin to the majors soon. He’s not a future Fantasy star, but he’s a modest five-category contributor, although the average might not be there right away.

SWAYING BACKWARDS

Mike Olt (3B, TEX)

When is a DL stint a good sign? When it can help explain why you’re striking out in 40 percent – yes, 40 percent – of your plate appearances. Such is the case with Mr. Olt: a player who most have pegged as a high-strikeout guy for many seasons, but who was pushing the boundaries of what’s acceptable from a professional baseball player through 81 PA in Triple-A this season. The swing-and-miss in Olt’s game has long been mitigated by his plus power, good D at 3B and ability to reach base at a respectable clip, but when you don’t put the ball in play in over half of your at-bats, not many good things can happen.

The Rangers placed Olt on the DL a few weeks back with “vision issues,” and while we’ve received little clarity with the issue to this point, it’s almost reassuring to know that Olt wasn’t just flailing about at the plate naturally. Unless he starts mashing immediately upon his return, though, this puts a significant damper on Olt’s 2013 value, as his best bet from a Fantasy POV was to produce in the minors and be dealt from Texas mid-summer. Don’t be rash and drop him in dynasty leagues, but feel free to be a bit disappointed. The good news? Olt is still very handsome.

Chris Reed (SP, LAD)

There could be a bit of selective bias in me listing Reed as “Swaying Backwards” here, as my regular readers will know that I’ve never been terribly high on the starting southpaw.  Reed was absent from my Top 150 list and ranked only seventh in my Dodgers Top 10 list. Here’s what I wrote back in January:

Reed’s fastball and slider combination have understandably excited many, but I’m not a fan of his delivery, the command is just average and his changeup needs work. I’d let him start for another year, but he’s a candidate to move back to relief work.

Fast-forward four months, and not much has changed, except Reed is missing even fewer bats in Double-A than he did a year ago. The tradeoff is his control has improved slightly, but he’s still posting a BB/9 of 4.11 and his 1.61 WHIP is enough to make any potential Fantasy owner cringe. Reed is logging innings and posting a tolerable 4.16 BABIP, but he’s the type of player who I believe would actually be better served heading to the bullpen. Perhaps the stuff will play up to where it was when Reed was in college, and he’ll start missing bats once more. As he stands now, he’s not close to a Top 200 name for me.

Photo via