Because all the topics have been taken, we decided to do a bracket tournament of all the past non-basketball bracket tournaments. We’re getting close to the championship game, so let’s see who made it to the Elite Eight.
Frankly we’re not surprised. When male students at a high school in Albany, N.Y., decided to stage a bracket tournament to rank the hottest girls in school, it got headlines, and a No. 1 seed in our Bracket of Brackets tournament. But such shenanigans are frowned upon in modern society, and the students were not only punished by their school, but their bracket was upset in the first round of our tourney by the might of Deadspin’s Curse Words. Fourth-seeded “Dickhead” comes to mind, when thinking of those guys (the high school boys — not Deadspin).
More upsets: No. 12 Bracket of Life stopped the No. 5 the actual NCAA Basketball Tournament, because tacos. No. 2 Best Super Powers look tough to beat after downing No. 15 Biggest Douchebags … No. 10 Gansett Cans moves on … No. 3 The Muppets tops No. 14 Name of the Year in a close contest … and No. 6 Best Sitcom Episode Ever eliminated No. 11 Metal Band Beards.
Who will prevail? It’s anyone’s tournament at this point.
Here’s a rundown of the top 16 seeds:
1. High School Girls. Shaker High in Albany, N.Y. Stupid and cruel … but isn’t this how Facebook got invented?
16. Curse Words. Deadspin. “Asshat” continues to get absolutely no respect.
8. Drugs. Vs. Alcohol. Jezebel.
9. Beer. A Beer In Hand.
4. Actual NCAA Basketball Tournament Bracket. NCAA. Bo-ring.
13. The Sexiest Woman Alive. Esquire. Wait, alive? Damn.
5. NCAA Mascots. SB Nation.
12. Bracket of Life. Crooks & Liars.
2. Superpowers. Blockbuster. If “Time Travel” doesn’t win, I’m going back in time to make sure it does.
15. Biggest Douchebags. Somehow Jerry Jones didn’t even make it to the region finals.
7. Saved By The Bell. The Desonesto Doctrine.
3. Muppets. MuppetFans.com.
14. Name of the Year. Name of the Year.
6. Best Sitcom Episode Ever. SplitSider. All kinds of problems with this one, but they’ve got “Fawlty Towers” in there, so we give it a pass.
11. Metal Band Beards. MetalSucks.net.