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Don’t Be Scared To Use Rory And The Golf Boys At Doral
Perception is everything.
Windows 8 may actually be better than any Apple product on the market. I wouldn’t know, though, I’m a Mac guy. My last PC experience involved a laptop that’s battery fried within eight months, rendering it useless. Exasperated, and willing to embrace its pretentious aura, I switched brands. Besides extreme satisfaction with its products, I don’t really have any loyalty to Apple. I’m sure with the right marketing campaign and some awesome features, I could be coaxed back, but they make it difficult. Microsoft is currently pimping Windows 8’s new services as if they’re some wonder of the technological age, a ploy completely devoid of facts. All they’ve done is repurpose the layout and apps of the original iPad and stuck their goofy, multicolored Windows logo at the bottom. Accomplishing nothing but telling me they’re finally caught up to where everyone else was five years ago – why would I want something I already have? That marketing strategy is only successful for Madden and Malibu Stacy – but she has a new hat! Don’t be surprised when Microsoft releases a new ad a year from now centered around the Harlem Shake. They haven’t merely slipped behind the times; they’ve propelled down an abyss of relevancy that’s not quite deep enough to qualify as retro. At least that’s how it seems; perception has a way of warping our thinking boxes, more commonly known as “minds”.
Even with Blackberry finally succumbing to a touch screen after years of resistance with the release of the LOL’D, this paradigm isn’t exclusive to the over saturated world of electronic devices. Perception is also the root cause of early season struggles on the Fantasy links. Unlike the rest of the of the Roto games, golf has no predictive traits. Sure, a player’s history at specific course or recent hot play can act as a blueprint of where to start, but there’s no North Star stat guiding us to victory. All we go can on is intuition, and not allow our judgement to be clouded by perception.
Mark Wilson, Spencer Levin and Kyle Stanley were briefly masquerading as top end Fantasy talent this time last year. Persisting as popular weekly picks well into the summer months, despite doing nothing after February besides miss cuts. While gamers were inserting them into their rosters, they missed out on legitimate, established options that would inevitably go on to win. Don’t make that mistake this week. Just because Rory McIlroy pouted his way off the course in Palm Beach, doesn’t mean his poor play will fester into action at Doral. Golf doesn’t work that way. Now, he may be dealing with a passel of problems ranging anywhere from crummy new irons to an abundance of wisdom to the lingering threat of never using The Woz’ forehead as a full length mirror ever again. Doesn’t matter. Everyone’s off the Rory bandwagon presently, at least until he re-establishes his dominance on the course. Making it a great time to purchase a ticket. Granted, amidst his recent tribulations, it’s certainly a gamble. I concede that. But it’s golf, who isn’t? But this is probably the only time, ever, you’ll be able to plug the world’s number one player into your lineup and have it be a unique pick within your league.
Perception is everything.
GOT MY SPF ON ‘CAUSE ITS SUNNY, SUNNY, SUNNY
In case you missed it, the Golf Boys second single dropped this week.
Even though Ricky Fowler has the same flow as Jorma Taccone when he’s intentionally sounding lame, and despite his best efforts to be noticed, no one will ever care about Ben Crane, regardless of how many ridiculous outfits he squeezes into, it’s incredibly enjoyable. But there’s a chance I’ve lost my objectivity. Merging two of my favorite things, name-dropping and awful puns, into song form made it an instant winner in my mind, unheeding to its actual quality.
In all, 12 of these lyrics appear during a 40 second span that comprise the song’s lone verse. Some are cringe worthy, “… you couldn’t hit the side of a Ricky Barnes”, but others do provide a genuine laugh. Maybe not ROTL hilarious, but, at worst, you’ll have a mini-LOL.
Pun Power Rankings
#5 “ I took a vacay, at Sang Moon-Bae”
#4 “I like olives in my Rory Sabintini, one time I got asked to play in a bikini”
#3 “Caught a Tiger by his tail for the Bo Van Pelt, made a shirt from the fur cause I like the way it felt.”
#2 “Messin’ with me you must be cruisin’ for a bruisin’, don’t let me catch you Louis Oosthuizen”
#1 “I thought about it and said, Kevin NAAAAA!!!!”
Justin Rose – If it weren’t for a brutal seven-holes stretch Sunday, which he played four-over, Rose probably would have walked away a winner at the Honda Classic last week. The unassuming Englishman used a win here last year to vault back into the world’s Top 10. In the 52 weeks since, he’s slipped out just once – despite not posting a win that time. Rose has done it with amazing consistency, earning a Top 20 paycheck in 21 of 26 events, breeching the Top 10 in 15. Trust his amazing consistency.
Rory McIlroy – I believe I’ve covered this one already, but if you’re still feeling pensive, start him on the bench Thursday.
Adam Scott & Dustin Johnson – Longer hitters have such an advantage at the Blue Monster you need to pile up as many as possible. Both Johnson and Scott crush it off the tee, and have churned out quality performances at this tournament since it moved to Doral in 2010.
Charl Schwartzel – If the world rankings only counted the last 12 months, not the last 24, Schwartzel would be in the lead by a significant margin. Despite a horrendous week on the greens at PGA National, the South African was still able to crack the Top 10 for the eighth time in nine starts.
Bubba Watson & Hunter Mahan – Mahan is playing as well as anything right now, earning a T8 and second in his last two events; while Bubba’s success at the Match Play should erase his brutal 132nd showing at the Northern Trust from of his psyche. Plus, both have the distance to get out of trouble, and are riding the positive momentum of their hit track!
George Coetzee – Like fellow Afrikaners Oosthuizen and Schwartzel before him, Coetzee enters the American golf scene a complete unknown, sporting an unpronounceable-until-you-hear-it last name. Another similarity? He’s been collecting superb performances across the globe to little fan fare. Before getting bounced in the first round in Tucson, Coetzee reeled off four straight Top 10s, three in stacked fields: Abu Dhabi HSBC, Qatar Masters and The Joberg Open.
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