2012 Summer OlympicsMedia MonsterWeird But True

Astrophysicist Badass Neil deGrasse Tyson Imagines A Horrifying Olympics On Mars

With the best Olympic-themed tweets since one Samuel L. Jackson, the world’s coolest astrophysicist and director of the Hayden Planetarium, Neil deGrasse Tyson, wondered out loud Thursday night what the Olympics would be like on Mars. It’s just like that SNL digital short “Space Olympics“, except it totally checks out scientifically and is hilarious and haunting all at once. I expect you to read the highlights from Dr. Tyson’s binge and immediately follow him. You will not be disappointed.

First, it’s worth noting that the impetus for Dr. Tyson’s Twitter rager was the news that the Mars Science Labratory arrives on the Red Planet to conduct tests in three days — right in the midst of the Olympic games. Have at it.

How about a Mars #Olympics? Yes, all athletes would suffocate. Ignoring that complication — way cooler than Earth #Olympics.

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) August 3, 2012

Yes Dr. Tyson, we agree. Now please, tell us more.

If there was Swimming on Mars, the low temperature & low air pressure would force the pool to simultaneously freeze & boil.

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) August 3, 2012

Well that would’ve made Michael Phelps’ quest for most decorated Olympian considerably more difficult.

With 1% of Earth’s air density, Badminton on Mars would be different — a shuttlecock to the face lands you in the hospital.

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) August 3, 2012

And if you throw your matches, you get banished to Jupiter. Good luck trying to stand on a planet made of gas.

Women’s BeachVolleyball on Mars: No protective ozone layer there. Solar UV would irradiate all exposed legs, buns, & tummies

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) August 3, 2012

That is a terrifying image you just put in my head, Neil. I do not want to be part of an Olympics where female beach volleyballers can’t wear two-pieces.

Aside from that, I can totally buy into a Mars Olympics. The bid for 2020 hasn’t been chosen yet. There’s still hope.

[photo via]