Media Monster

The Season 4 Premiere of “Basketball Wives”: Welcome To The Olympics Of Hating

I watch a lot of reality television, but I stayed away from Basketball Wives because I thought it looked pretty indistinguishable from the many reality franchises with “Wives” in the title. I caught the premiere of Season 4 last night, however, and quickly realized how wrong I was. In the first episode alone, these women gave a clinic on being easily offended — in the reality television universe, they are hating Olympians! In honor of this year’s Olympic Games, let’s take a look at the ladies who have ascended to the top of their discipline (that discipline being meeting one another for passive-aggressive lunches). Let’s mix some sports metaphors!

Suzie Ketcham is the ex-girlfriend of Michael Olowokandi, formerly of the Boston Celtics. Suzie was around last season (I know this only because there were a few sepia-toned fight flashbacks in the premiere episode), and is currently at odds with most of the Season 3 wives. She is attempting to get back in the game by befriending the newer wives, and is definitely a risk-taker, which we saw in her willingness to give the new girls a BJ tutorial at dinner. That said, her potential for injury is high (a BJ tutorial in a restaurant?).

- Points in her favor: She’s a veteran of the basketball wives scene (“I’m going to be 40 in 7 years! There are girls that are 20 that I’m competing with”); she gives BJ pointers at dinner.

Kesha Nichols is the ex-fiance of Richard Jefferson, whom she dated for six years until he dumped her right before their wedding. This could have ended her career as a “Basketball Wife,” but she went in a different direction and is starting her own dance company. She claims to be a “drama-free person,” a hallmark of an emerging reality TV wunderkind. She may be new this season, but she’s one to watch.

- Points in her favor: Has known the unique horror of being hated by other basketball wives before (she “went from being enemy of the wives to sitting with the wives,” thanks to Jefferson); thinks that calling someone “bougie” is an insult of the highest order.

Kenya Bell is the wife of Charlie Bell, although they are in the process of being divorced. As a way of dealing with the existential suffering that a basketball wife endures when she is no longer someone’s basketball wife, she is trying to start a recording career. This could either be a strength this season, as she will be able to lord her “career” over the rest of the wives, or a huge liability if she sucks. Her odds aren’t great, but we haven’t heard her sing yet, so who knows?

- Points in her favor: Will probably throw some kind of bogus album release party at which the other basketball wives can fight; is new this season but already seems to hate the other wives.

Royce Reed is an ex-dancer for Orlando and Miami (and mother of magic star Dwight Howard’s child) who, like Kesha, is also starting a dance company. She is the only basketball wife who has never been married/engaged to or divorced from a professional NBA player, so she lacks the senses of superiority and faux-propriety that the other basketball wives have been marinating in for years. Before you discount her completely, consider the amount of momentum she has going into the season: she’s currently not speaking to three of the eight basketball wives due to arguments from season 3. This sets her up to be the center of several really good conflicts right away.

- Points in her favor: Has a gold medal in throwing shade from season 3, and a strong showing in Season 4 in the categories of “stirring the pot” and “making veiled comments about other basketball wives’ weight” (“I trust Suzie as far as I can throw her…which is not very far.”).

NEXT: The reat of the lineup: Jennifer Williams, Tami Roman, Evelyn Lozada, Shaunie O’Neal. Taste the bile!

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