Media Monster

Britain’s Olympics Etiquette Guide Will Leave You Armed And Ready To Stereotype

London’s hosting the 2012 Summer Olympics, and the city wants its locals to be as welcoming as possible to the influx of tourists the competition will bring. Of course, we can’t blame them for this – nothing gives a city a prominent spot on the world stage like the Olympics – but their methodology of ensuring friendliness between nations is ripe for ridicule.

That methodology: an etiquette guide from Britain’s national tourism agency, with tips for dealing with different nations written by natives of those nations. No punches were pulled.

Even the author of the AP’s writeup on the guide, David Stringer (a London-based correspondent) got in on the act, saying:

Seeking to help [England's] sometimes snarky citizens offer a warmer welcome…

But that wasn’t in the guide. Some tidbits that were:

U.K. workers are told to brush off common Argentine jokes about a person’s clothing or weight.

OK, but would it kill the Argentines to, you know, not make those jokes for a couple weeks? I get that Britain is supposed to be welcoming as the host country, but there are some things they shouldn’t have to stand for, no?

Other tidbits include warnings that “Australians are fond of coarse language” (awesome), as well as that “Indians are, in general, an impatient lot” and Middle East residents “are not used to being told what they can’t do” (less awesome). And Stringer gets in another crack at his home base:

Indians also don’t like being touched by strangers and may be suspicious about the quality of British food, the guide said, without noting the latter might be a common concern.

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP. (Emphasis ours. Also, there’s that British snark.)

But here’s the best passage:

Guests from China and Hong Kong may find winking or pointing with an index finger rude, while “mentioning failure, poverty or death risks offense,” the advice claims. Chinese visitors may be unimpressed by landmarks just a few hundred years old, tourism staff are told.

Workers are advised against discussing poverty, immigration, earthquakes or the Mexican-American war with visitors from Mexico — who prefer to chat about history and art.

Emphasis, again, ours. We’re not sure why exactly someone might find the bolded topics to be appropriate for a presumably initial conversation with a stranger, but you never know. We also like the idea of a Chinese tourist scoffing at something for not being old enough, as well as imagining British people carrying around a hand-made list of landmarks old enough to impress a Chinese tourist, in case they befriend one.

But what about Americans?

And Americans? They can appear “informal to the point of being very direct or even rude” and won’t ever hesitate about complaining, the guide says.

Informal, rude complainers? Screw you, buddy! This guide sucks!

Chris Chase at Fourth-Place Medal seems to have enjoyed the guide as much as we did, although Chase’s suggestion that the guide should “say to be respectful of everyone and recommend that visitors attending the Olympics keep an open mind” would have been much less funny than the actual guide.

We can’t say we disagree with Chase’s premise, though. It’s probably better to accept that other people are different from you (and maybe risk accidentally doing something offensive) than it is to be overly cautious. Tentative interaction between people of different cultures won’t promote tolerance. Plus, who said accidentally offending people can’t be enjoyable?

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