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It’s Pretty Tough To See Jeff Van Gundy, All The Way Up There On That Goddamn High Horse Of His

“Hey, let me tell you something, folks. There’s a lot of time left in this game, and it is a complete blowout. I literally have nothing to talk about. So let’s do this: I’m going to adjust my dress pants here, and see if I can go ahead and get way, way up on this giant goddamn high horse that just strolled in.

Look at her. Isn’t she majestic? Just an absolute beacon of unselfishness and common sense and moral platitudes. No sulking on her part. No power plays being made. Just good, solid positive reinforcement. She survives completely on humility and oats, and her farts smell like Shane Battier’s fabric softener.

Just a huge, huge high horse from which I can survey the scene, and tell these giant human beings who are playing tons of basketball games with very little rest because of a lockout-shortened season that they have to stand up during a timeout, even though they are down by 25 points late in the fourth quarter. My brother is talking, you selfish, selfish bastards.”