- The NFL Will Be A Lot Less Pink This October, Says Sporting Goods Insider
- It's Up To Adrian Peterson's Viking Teammates To Save His Minnesota Career
- FANTASY FOOTBALL: Week 3 WR Rankings, Starts & Sleepers
- Fight Church Bout Ends In Double Knockout With Simultaneous Shots To The Nuts
- Manning, Elway Dispute Suggestion That Wes Welker's Suspension Was A Shocker
Jock Has Stroke, Wakes Up Gay
Mild-mannered Welshman Chris Birch was your average, every day “beer-guzzling rugby jock” who worked in a bank, liked sports, girls, and booze, and was engaged to a woman. But after a freak accident in the gym caused Birch to have a stroke, he woke up and was… totally gay.
After his accident, he was taken to a hospital where his fiancée and family spent days waiting at his bedside, according to Britain’s Daily Mail, before he woke up and delivered the shocking, shocking news.
Birch then ditched his girlfriend, became a hairdresser, and moved in with his 19-year-old boyfriend above their salon, thereby becoming some sort of gay superhero.
“I was gay when I woke up and I still am,” he said.
The 26-year-old Birch, who went from a “hulking” 265 pounds to 154 pounds after the stroke, has a real Peter Parker, Bruce Banner origin story to his gay superherodom. He was on a field one day with some friends, and, like most straight bros would do, decided to show off and do a backflip. Except he timed his jump wrong, and ended up falling down a hill, breaking his neck, and suffering the stroke. And, again, he woke up gay.
“It sounds strange, but when I came around, I immediately felt different,” Birch said. “I wasn’t interested in women anymore. I was definitely gay.”
Apparently, there’s a correlation between people suffering strokes, then waking up feeling different. The Daily Mail uses the example of a father of three waking up from a stroke and being able to “paint and draw in incredible detail.” Indeed, Birch’s neurologist told him the stroke could’ve opened up “a different part of his brain.” I prefer to think he was bitten by a gay radioactive spider.
- Filed Under:
- 'Harry Potter' Actor and MMA Fighter Found Dead
- MMA Fans Protest Over Brock Lesnar
- The 10 Biggest NBA Draft Busts Ever
- Seahawks QB Russell Wilson Files for Divorce