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Jose Mourinho Wants You To Know He Is Not Harry Potter

He’s been called “The Special One” by the most capable person he knows (himself). But don’t confuse that with “The Chosen One”.

Jose Mourinho has never been bashful about extolling his own virtues. But after a humbling scoreless draw with Mallorca on opening day, Mourinho may be trying to quell the groundswell of expectation for his Real Madrid team that bears some resemblance to what we can only assume the second coming of Jesus would be like.

In an interview (original Spanish version) with the Real Madrid-friendly publication AS, the prodigal son is quoted trying to dampen the astronomical anticipation of fans:

Look, I’m a coach, I’m not Harry Potter. He is magical, but in reality there is no magic. Magic is fiction and football is real. Do you know how many training sessions we have had together, including the new signings? Not ten. I repeat: not ten.

This isn’t the first time he’s made this claim, as he warned former club Inter Milan about his lack of command of the mystical world around this time last summer, once again using Potter as the standard-bearer for the world of magic.

Sure, we could joke about how he should send Cristiano Ronaldo to St. Mungo’s for a week to accelerate his recuperation. Or that he should transfigure Karim Benzema back into a suddenly rejuvenated Ruud van Nistelrooy. Or comment on the sleight of hand he’ll need to perform to replace Barcelona atop La Liga.

Instead, we can’t help but place the other figures of Spanish soccer into the world of Hogwarts. If Mourinho’s Potter, that would make his mentor, the late Sir Bobby Robson, Dumbledore. Barcelona boss Pep Guardiola is at the very least Severus Snape (if not actually You-Know-Who). Cesc Fabregas, with his ambiguous loyalties in his protracted transfer saga, would play the role of Sirius Black…we could go on.

Frankly though we’re surprised that Mourinho would be the one tabbed as a wizard. I’ve always seen him as more of a Sorcerer’s Apprentice figure, orchestrating everything around him. And if there’s anyone who fits the wizarding bill, what with his penchant for scarves, it would be Roberto Mancini.

Besides, the rest of the soccer world would probably see Mourinho as more of a Malfoy than anything.

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