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Luis Suarez Bites Opponent, Gets 7-Game Suspension From FIFA (Video)

You just can’t make this stuff up. Luis Suarez, he of World Cup fame and infamy pulled a Mike Tyson and bit his opponent Otmann Bakkal during a match between Suarez’s Ajax and Bakkal’s PSV in Holland. Now, he’s received a seven-game suspension from FIFA, in addition to the team-imposed two game ban.

Since he won’t be playing until February, Suarez should take his talents down to the Bayou and search for Sookie. Suarez is kind of like the LeBron James of soccer. He scored the goal of the World Cup, was on pace to win the Golden Boot. And then, well, he became Africa’s most wanted man.

Suarez was one of the most coveted strikers in Europe, and was en route to the Premier League. He’s 23, a straight-up goal scorer (what America doesn’t have), and a premier talent. As long as he lays off the “V” and realizes it’s the year of the zombie, not the vampire, he should be cool.