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Man Caught Masturbating To SI Swimsuit Issue In Walmart, Wipes Hand Off On Toys

Good Lord. William Tyler Black, a 28-year-old substitute teacher from Florida, was arrested by Sarasota police after walking into a Walmart, picking up a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue from the magazine section, and proceeding to masturbate in the store’s toy aisle “to completion.”

It gets grosser. Black “ejaculated onto the floor and wiped his hand on a toy along with rubbing his foot in the suspected semen on the floor,” according to a store employee. The toy was a lightsaber, in case you were wondering.

Black then threw the magazine behind a shelf and walked to the front of the store like he didn’t just masturbate openly in the toy section. When police asked him what the hell he was doing, he told them he was there, “shopping for a toy for his daughter.”

Black was charged with battery on a child, since a “reasonable person would believe that a child would come in contact with the fluid on the toy being that it was left in the toy aisle of the store.”

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