Well, it’s happening. We were aware enough of the possibility to give it a name and give it some thought, but it clearly wasn’t enough. The singularity is approaching. It might not be here yet, but it’s on the way, and in all likelihood, it’s too late for any of us to do a damn thing about it. Our future is in the hands of the machines, and we don’t know about you, but we’re worried.
Why such a negative outlook? Why are we so sure the internet itself has become so self-aware, and so able to manipulate us, that we’re likely doomed? Well, we’re glad you asked. It all started when we saw the video below on Busted Coverage earlier today. Remember Michelle Jenneke, your new favorite hurdler because of her pre-race dance (that she also does in the rain sometimes)? Of course you do.
Well, she’d already risen to an impressive level of internet dominance, but it’s nothing compared to what you’ll see below. Jenneke recently visited the set of a web show called “What’s Trending.” There, she talked about and demonstrated her dance, sure, but what made this so dangerous was what happened next. Not only did Jenneke perform her dance… she performed just about every dance that’s been popular on the internet in the last year, too:
Probably the only hope for us is that the algorithms haven’t been perfected yet: the phrase “viral memes” (uttered at the 33-second mark) is too buzzwordy to be believable as a human phrase, and the male host’s t-shirt of a cat wearing hipster glasses shooting laser beams out of its eyes is a little too on-the-nose.
But it’s well on the way, people. Combining Michelle Jenneke (the viral star of a few months back) with Gangnam Style (the viral hit that keeps on giving)? Brilliant. Having her name-drop Rihanna? The only way a mind could devise a plan that ingenious – that devious – would be if it were, quite literally, a machine. It’s clear: the internet knows what we want. It will use that knowledge to enslave us. And we’re too late to stop it. And with that in mind… just watch the gif of Jenneke in the rain again. If we’re going down, might as well enjoy the descent into oblivion.