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Ryan Lochte Didn’t Get Invited To Prince Harry’s Strip Billiards Party :-(

You thought Ryan Lochte madness was over? People, it is just getting started. Jeah, the Olympics have been over for a while now. Jeah, he’s already done The Tonight Show and filmed his 90210 cameo and fielded reality show offers and seemingly wrung the maximum possible out of his Olympics- and bad-interview-inspired fame. But then along came Prince Harry, and with him came new life for the legend of the Lochtenator.

That legend lived this morning when the Today show had Lochte on to discuss his future plans – including how he’s already setting his sights on swimming in the next Summer Olympics in Rio. But let’s face it, the swimming you really want to hear about happened at 3 a.m. in that pool in Vegas between Lochte and British royalty – and they weren’t letting Lochte get away without talking about that, either:

As much as we’re in favor of poking fun at the Royal Family for being rich and famous for no good reason, when a member of it is starstruck enough by your presence that he requests a meeting… well, that’s just another sign that it’s good to be Lochte right now. It’s not so good, though, that he then invites you to a strip billiards party after the swim. No, the chance to see Harry’s royal schlong is open only to a select few. Maybe Lochte makes it in that group one day (though really, he sounded relieved to be left out).

Aside from all the Harry stuff, though, color us genuinely impressed at Lochte’s 2016 plans. He’s a year older than Michael Phelps, and we know Phelps isn’t planning on competitively swimming again. Lochte’s longevity isn’t approaching Dara Torres status yet, but 2016 would mark his fourth Games. That’s a lot of top-level swimming over a long time (and serves as a reminder that swimming is what we all know Lochte for in the first place).

LLoD!

And now, we’d like to close this post out with a feature called the Lochte Line of the Day (LLoD). Every time Lochte speaks, we fervently hope he produces something that measures up to the gold standard of Lochte wisdom:

“Memorizing lines… and… trying to like, say ‘em, and still, like, do movement and all that. That was hard.”

And luckily enough, on Today this morning, Lochte produced a gem. You can see it at the 3:40 mark above, as he discusses not being satisfied with his medal haul in London:

“Whenever I go up on the blocks, I don’t want to go for second or third – I want to win. So I was definitely… pleased and unpleased with some of my races.”

Folks, this is a really strong Lochte line. “Pleased and unpleased.” Almost poetic. And in case you’re going around thinking he made up a word in “unpleased,” check this, which calls it merely “archaic.” There you have it: Lochte is just SPEAKING AN EARLIER VERSION OF ENGLISH. He might as well be translating Beowulf.

And in light of this revelation, SportsGrid’s special “Ryan Lochte secret genius potential” measurement device gives a reading of medium-high, which is enough to give this LLoD an official rating of 4.5 “Do Movements” out of 5. That’s rarefied territory, and it’s our hope Lochte can keep meeting those standards in future interviews.

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