Today In Things Actually Aired On ESPN: A Comparison Between Kobe Bryant And A Real Mamba

by Jordan Rabinowitz | 8:31 pm, August 23rd, 2012

OK, I get it. So SportsCenter isn’t really a “news” program. They like to do frivolous things on the air every once in a while (once in a while being every day), and the dog days of August present an expected lull in the sports news cycle. So with eight hours worth of SportsCenter to fill each day and nothing newsworthy really going on in the wide world of sports, the folks in Bristol needed to dig pretty deep today to fill air time. And since we know they just love celebrating birthdays, they couldn’t let Kobe’s go by without acknowledgement.

Happy 34th birthday, Kobe! Today, SportsCenter dedicated about half a minute of their programming comparing you to your nickname’s namesake, a mamba. Savor this day. I’m sure Gary Payton never got sized up to a glove, George Gervin to an ice man, or Tim Duncan to a big fundamental (I don’t know what that would look like).

Good for you Kobe, hang this screen cap up next to your two gold medals and five Larry O’Brien trophies. It’s what ESPN wants.

[via Redditor MrSelatcia]

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Anonymous

I never knew Kobe never, or rarely, ate vegetables. I either actually learned something (however useless) or ESPN’s cracker-jack staff isn’t familiar with the term “omnivore”.