Astros ‘Investigating’ Fan Who Pretended Hot Dog Was His Wiener On Live TV
His baloney has a first name, but so far no one knows what it is. Who is the mysterious Astros fan who used a hot dog to pantomime his wiener during a game on live TV? The Astros want to know, and have launched an investigation.
It happened on Thursday night in Minute Maid Park’s exclusive Diamond Club seating area behind home plate, during a game with the Angels. It was in the ninth inning with two out of a one-run game, so you know some were watching as the unidentified man stood up at least twice and appeared to use a hot dog to imitate his penis. Some say it was a cigar. It was all caught on TV.
Here’s my favorite graph of the day:
Sitting in the section that became famous as the seats for former President George H.W. Bush and first lady Barbara Bush, a fan appearing to hold either a cigar or a hot dog weiner stood up and dangled it while Philip Humber pitched to Albert Pujols.
Those are right behind the seats that former Astros owner Drayton McLane uses, although he was not there then.
The Astros actually released a statement:
“The Houston Astros have no affiliation with the individual involved in the incident in the Diamond Club seating area last night,” Astros Vice President and General Manager of Building Operations Marcel Braithwaite said. “The individual is not a season ticket holder. The Astros are currently investigating the matter with the proper authorities.”
Was it a hot dog or a sausage? Was it vegan, or meat? If found to be meat, could CSN and NBC be fined by the FCC? (Imitation meat fake penises carry less severe fines).
Don’t make Bud Selig form a fake wiener task force. That’s just the kind of thing he’d jump at to take the focus off his shitty umpires.