Chris Berman’s Nickname For Cardinals Pitcher Fernando Salas: “Tossed Salas.” Yeah.

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This has to be one of the douchiest posts I’ve ever read.  Maybe you ought to take a fucking poll before you assert that what Urban Dictionary says is “tossed salad” is “what it means to a lot of people out there.”  I’d certainly never heard that definition, and after eating countless bowls of mixed greens and vegetables for decades before the internet was even widely available, I’ll never think of “tossed salad” as anything but that.  While you’re at it, why don’t you figure out just what percentage of the population practices what UD describes before suggesting that that is what we should think of when someone says “tossed salad” instead of mixed greens and vegetables. I think Berman is a clown, but you’re not one whit better than him if this is your idea of “humor” or otherwise worthy of a blog post.  I’ve got no problem with people doing whatever they want to do consensually in the bedroom, and if they’ve co-opted a term of standard English as its name, that’s fine too, but go fuck yourself and the rest of your junior high school class if you think I should be snickering when I hear someone allude to “tossed salad” on television.  Douche. 

Wait. How did we get from “no one thought he meant that kind of tossed salad” to “if someone wants to eat someone’s butt in the privacy of their own bedroom, they should be able to?”

But no, you’re right Phil. We’ll take a poll next time.

Wait. How did we get from “no one thought he meant that kind of tossed salad” to “if someone wants to eat someone’s butt in the privacy of their own bedroom, they should be able to?”

But no, you’re right Phil. We’ll take a poll next time.

Wait, douche? Isn’t that some kind of hygiene product? How could I “be” that? It’s almost like the word has taken on something beyond its literal meaning, and that you are using it as such. Also, I’m not sure where I instructed people on what they SHOULD think of when they think of “tossed salad,” but hey, thanks for reading, I guess. Oh, and if you’re just troll,ing nicely done. 

Nah, that guy Phil is totally wrong. I just polled a random sampling of 1,000 adorable grandmas and every one of them snickered when I said the phrase ‘tossed salad.’ Then I called the Pope and asked for a tossed salad, and he said, “Hey, shhhh, come on man, we don’t talk about that kind of stuff on this line. People may be listening.” All I wanted countless bowls of mixed greens and vegetables, but these kind elderly people keep laughing at me. I guess EVERYONE but me and Phil know what “tossed salad” means. But hey, Phil, if you want to get together I’m sure we can figure it out. Say, my place at 8?