MLBTabloid Fodder

Report: Derek Jeter Gives His One-Night Stands A Derek Jeter Thank-You Basket

This is New York Yankees captain Derek Jeter. He’s a five-time World Series champion. He’s the most beloved Yankee in nearly half a century. He’s a former Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year. And, if this report from the New York Post is true, he likes to leave a thank-you basket.

Jeter has been with some of the most beautiful women in the world. From Jessica Biel to Jordana Brewster, Jeter’s conquests are well known. And after his most recent breakup with former “Friday Night Lights” star Minka Kelly, Jeter is back on the market — and back to conquesting. According to the Post, Jeter has been “bedding a bevy of beauties” in his Trump Towers abode. But not to worry: it hasn’t been simply one-sided affair, with Jeter taking and not giving anything in return.

In fact, Jeter has allegedly been leaving these ladies with a lovely basket of autographed swag, as a kind way of saying, “Thanks for your sex. Now here’s my autograph.”

The Yank captain’s wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am kiss-offs came to light when he mistakenly pulled the stunt twice on the same woman — forgetting she had been an earlier conquest, a pal told The Post.

“Derek has girls stay with him at his apartment in New York, and then he gets them a car to take them home the next day. Waiting in his car is a gift basket containing signed Jeter memorabilia, usually a signed baseball,” the friend dished.

Jeter’s biggest problem is that he can’t keep track of all the ladies he’s been with. Don’t you guys hate that? It’s funny too, because after the New York Post claimed Jeter was classless for his actions, they also tried to put a positive spin on his morning-after gift basket.

And while the parting gift may seem cold, signed Jeter memorabilia sell like hotcakes on the Internet, with an autographed baseball fetching hundreds and even thousands of dollars.

At least you’re getting paid to sleep with Jeter, ladies. So, there’s that.

There’s seemingly nothing more dangerous than a single Derek Jeter, especially if you live in the Tri-State area. There’s no doubt that Jeter can sleep with everyone in sight. Not because he wants to, but because he has to. He’s el capitan. Not only of the New York Yankees, but of this massive urban jungle full of beautiful lady creatures. A memo to the womenfolk of NYC (and its surrounding areas) one day, you might be lucky enough to get The Conqueror’s Gift Basket.