BREAKING: Derek Jeter Not Fat
Last week, the New York tabloids got a hold of some unflattering photos of the city’s favorite swashbuckling shortstop, Derek Jeter. Jeter, who has a long and storied history of bedding starlets and being handsome, looked like he had put on a few pounds as he recovered from ankle surgery. This was alarming on a number of levels — chunkerdoodle status does not lend itself well to fielding range factor, but more importantly: if Derek Jeter is fat, who will date all of the models? Who will pleasure the city’s new crop of fresh-faced actresses? Who will get all o’ the tang?
Indeed, the Newly Husky Capitán had seen better days.
But wait! What if, as some Facebook commenters pointed out, a mistake had been made? What if #2 hadn’t taken “the fork in the road to recovery,” as the Post surmised, and instead found himself the victim of high winds and a bad camera angle? Even the sveltest infielder is one loose t-shirt and a gust of wind away from seeming doughy. We were skeptical about this conspiracy theory, because, you know… Jeter looked pretty fat in those photos.
Looks like we were wrong, though, because now we’ve got confirmation that Derek Jeter isn’t putting on weight. Actually, he looks pretty good! MLB Network analyst Harold Reynolds tweeted out this photo with Jeter:
So, crisis averted, and you can go ahead and get the gift baskets ready.