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“Does autocorrect have a brain injury edition? Jesus this sh–’s impossible” And Other Gems A Bedridden Brandon McCarthy Tweeted

About a week ago, A’s pitcher Brandon McCarthy was struck in the head by a line drive, in a most cringe-worthy moment, leaving the crowd at the O.co Coliseum awestruck and silent. After bouncing around between a few hospitals, receiving multiple CT scans, and undergoing a two-hour procedure to ease pressure from a skull fracture and remove an epidural hemorrhage, McCarthy was finally discharged Tuesday afternoon. While there won’t be any baseball left for him to play in 2012, he is in fact healthy enough to tweet, which he did in hilarious fashion upon returning home earlier today.

Around these parts — these parts being not Oakland — McCarthy is known just as much for his Twitter prowess as he is for his impressive pitching. You don’t need to look further than his bio to get the picture:

I pitch baseballs. I love Liverpool and LSU football. Those are different footballs but I’m not explaining the difference. My wife says to say that I’m married.

So now that he has all this extra time on his hands to recover, McCarthy Twitter Watch 2012 is underway. If you were lucky enough to be patrolling his account this afternoon, you’d have witnessed the launch of the event. While it won’t erase the pain A’s fans are feeling to have one of their Big Three starters go down in the middle of a September playoff push, it will dull it.

First, a prologue from a few days ago, where a recovering McCarthy was in good spirits, joshing around with his buddy Patrick Willis:

@patrickwillis52 thanks buddy, I feel like I just got hit by you.

— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) September 8, 2012

This next one also comes from a few days back. Not even traumatic head injury could stop McCarthy from dwelling on his #firstworldproblems.

Does autocorrect have a brain injury edition? Jesus this shit’s impossible

— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) September 10, 2012

And McCarthy, ever the fact checker, just wants to make sure MLB insider Buster Olney has all the facts straight about his recovery. And inside Brandon’s urethra is just about as inside as it gets.

@buster_espn he is also frequently peeing into a bucket located next to his bed

— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) September 10, 2012

Lest we forget, Brandon’s Athletics are in a tight race out west with the Angels, who are keeping their enemies very close, much to Brandon’s chagrin.

very nice but sorta bossy? RT “@susanslusser: #Angels scoreboard flashes a “Get Well Soon, Brandon McCarthy” message just before first pitch

— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) September 11, 2012

No word on whether the following condition will keep him out through spring training next year:

Bad news: doc says I might be one of those people who posts motivational nonsense all day on Facebook now :(

— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) September 11, 2012

And finally, because his wife is making him take penis pills, maybe she’d let him have his way once in a while? You know, help out a husband with severe head injury?

WELL IF BEING DISCHARGED FROM THE HOSPITAL ISNT THE BEST TIME TO ASK ABOUT A THREESOME THEN IM FRESH OUT OF IDEAS

— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) September 11, 2012

I guess Brandon is doing OK, everyone.

[photo via Getty]

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