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BREAKING: Derek Jeter NOT Missing Season Due To Sex Change, Despite What Facebook Hacker Would Have You Believe

In a shocking development, the heart and soul of one of the World Series favorites, the New York Yankees, has decided to miss the rest of the season due to his desire to have immediate sexual-reassignment surgery.

What a selfish move by a guy considered one of the greatest teammates in all of sports. Despicable. And to think I just bought his new fragrance. Now I’ll have to go out on the town smelling like BETRAYAL.

Wait, Deadspin is now reporting that it turns out this was all a hoax. The Yankees official Facebook account was HACKED.

Now, I know these hacking excuses when I see them, though. Every athlete does this to get out of trouble. Jeter probably just realized the error of his ways and told the Yankees to call FOUL PLAY.

…

Ah crap, maybe not. It turns out today was National Hack MLB Teams’ Facebook Accounts Day. There’s a skilled hacker on the loose! You can check the rest of them out here. My favorite:

No internet joke is complete without taking a poop on Pitbull. Ok, fine, so I don’t know if this actually had to do with Pitbull, or just pit bulls. Regardless, Pitbull is the worst. I heard his ancestors started the Plague. I heard he is Ed Hardy. I heard he doesn’t wash his hands after dinner.

Unfortunately, no word on the identity of the hacker(s). For now, I’m picturing Master Hacker David Stern sitting in his basement lair, at his desk, leaning back in his gold-encrusted swivel chair, cackling thunderously.

[Deadspin]

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