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The Mets’ R.A. Dickey Says He Was Sexually Abused As A Child, Considered Suicide In 2005

In addition to being a pretty effective knuckleballer for the Mets, pitcher R.A. Dickey has gained a cult following as one of baseball’s more interesting characters. He’s a self-described “Star Wars nerd,” and he’s apparently not just saying that. He climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro this offseason (against the Mets’ wishes) for charity. But while Dickey has it pretty good now, he didn’t always – in fact, as he details in his new autobiography, he’s been just about as low as a person can go. And it started when he was just eight years old, when he wrote that he was sexually abused by a babysitter:

In the memoir, Dickey writes of repeated abuse by a female babysitter, and one instance perpetrated by a 17-year-old boy.

“I felt dirty, I felt ashamed and alone, and I felt there was something terribly wrong with me,” Dickey says. He kept the secret for almost 25 years, not even telling his wife, Anne, until they were married for eight years.

Indeed, Dickey’s wife sounds like one of the people most responsible for helping him keep going – which is why his other lowest moment involved cheating on her:

He writes movingly about how Anne’s love and faith and forgiveness sustained him through another crisis in his life, when he had an affair — a trangression he explores with deep remorse, one that had him mulling how he might end his life during the winter of 2005-2006.

“I betrayed my wife and there are not words that can adequately convey the guilt I felt for hurting the person who has given me so much love, who I share my life with,” says Dickey, who never went through with any actual suicide attempts.

Dickey credits intensive counseling and therapy, prayer and faith, and the steadfast love of Anne and the kids for helping him through his most trying times.

And for those reading that and expecting the most depressing book ever, Dickey said it’s not so. After all, despite his past, he’s doing pretty well these days – still married and pitching better than he ever has. Or, as Dickey put it:

“It is basically saying that even though life is painful and we all have our struggles, with strength and faith and honesty and love, we can get through the abyss, and find joy and meaning on the other side.”

Doesn’t sound depressing to us.

[Deadspin]

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