What Was Ryan Braun’s Dinner With The Urine Collector He Once Tried To Destroy Like?
Ryan Braun crawled back into the public eye by appearing at a food drive at Miller Park in Milwaukee on Wednesday. It had to happen sometime, so it might as well have been on the day before Thanksgiving, when no one was watching and giving much of a shit about baseball anyway.
Braun answered questions with his now-trademark vagueness for about 15 minutes, but did disclose one weird bit of information that we have to share with you. Braun was asked if he’d made any “payments” to Dino Laurenzi Jr., the urine collector who took the brunt of the blame for Braun’s drug test turning up positive. Of course, Laurenzi was exonerated when Braun copped to being a liar and cheater and fraud.
“I have not made any payments to him,” Braun said. “I’ve had some really productive and positive conversations with him. The Laurenzi family was actually gracious and kind enough to have my fiancée Larisa and I over to their house for dinner last night, and we had some really good conversation…
“I’m not going to get into too many details other than to say it was an incredible experience,” Braun said. “It was extremely kind and gracious of them. They’re really special people and I appreciate them giving me the opportunity to go to their house and have a conversation in person. I wish that I could change it. I wish that I hadn’t said anything about him. I wish I knew more at the time I said what I said. But he was really a special person and his family was a special group of people.”
Kudos to Laurenzi for being a Good Guy Urine Collector and having Braun over. But we can’t imagine that this dinner was anything but extremely awkward. Forgive us if we don’t taken Braun’s word that it was “incredible.”
Our imagined take on that special dinner:
DINNER WITH DINO
Open to a modest but warmly lit dining room in the home of the Laurenzi family. The table, front and center, is covered in a dizzying array of delicious dishes, including heaping piles of warm bread, deep saucers of soup, an enormous square serving dish of lasagna, a ceramic bowl of crisp Caesar salad and glasses of red wine. DINO LAURENZI JR., his WIFE, RYAN BRAUN and his fiancee LARISA all sit around the table, chewing contentedly.
Dino, Dino’s wife, thank you so much for having us over. I can’t imagine how difficult this must have been for you… it’s all I can do to apologize and hope I can make it up to you in some small way. And this meal has been absolutely delicious. In fact, I don’t know what to apologize about — the fact that I almost ruined your career, or how much I’ve eaten!
I pissed in literally every dish you ate tonight.
(Cue laugh track, fade to black.)
Photo via Getty