Top 5 Dead Or Alive: The Best Mascots Ever

by Evan Sporer | 2:57 pm, July 27th, 2012

Welcome to our seventh installment of Top 5 Dead Or Alive. In case you missed our piece last Friday on workout songs, we want you to know that this feature is designed specifically to make life hell for our employees. Each week, we’ll ask one of our writers to come up with a definitive list of the five best people, places or things in a particularly subjective category — then, we’ll ask you to tell him who or what is missing from the list. Feel free to be a total dick.

Today, we’ve asked our intern Evan Sporer to name the five best mascots of all time. Tell him what he missed in the comments, email him, or tweet at him.

So Dan is home with a bum eye, Glenn is doing God knows what [ed. note: working remotely, JERK. - Glenn], so the interns are running the Grid today. (Well, we’re not really running it, but we’re the only ones at HQ.) Anyway, the show must go on, and it’s Friday, so that means a new Top 5 Dead Or Alive. After coming up with a lot of really shitty ideas, we landed on mascots. With so many to choose from, narrowing down a list to five was no easy task.

As per usual, we had to set some ground rules. The pool we’d pick from was the Big 4 U.S. Sports, and the NCAA. Sorry to the Albuquerque Isotopes, but this is just not your list.

A good mascot should be very interactive. The mascot should be right in there with the fans, and a great motivator. The mascot should also be funny and creative. Every mascot dances and throws t-shirts into the crowd. But to make this list, you had to do something to set yourself apart from the pack.

So, what makes a mascot exceptional? Was it in the name? Having a cool suit? Doing awesome things at halftime or during the game? A good mascot strikes the balance of being swagged out, while also being entertaining. It also has to look cool. That spelled the end for the RISD Nads and Scrotie.

I’m not exaggerating when I say there were like a million mascots to choose from. So this list is guaranteed to piss a few people off. But nevertheless: this is the definitive list of the five mascots, dead or alive.

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1.#5 Rally Monkey

The Rally Monkey may have single-handedly won the 2002 World Series for the Angels.

The monkey originally debuted in 2000 on a June night when Anaheim was facing the Giants. Down 5-4 in the bottom of the ninth, the monkey made its first appearance in the jumbo tron. The Angels rallied that inning and won on a walk-off.

But the monkey's true magic, as stated, was in the 2002 World Series. The Giants and Angels were again matched up. With San Francisco up 3-2 in the series, and 5-0 in the seventh inning of Game 6, the Angels looked destined to lose. But in the bottom of the seventh inning, a rally monkey appearance on the big screen ignited the Anaheim crowd, and began a six-run rally that helped the Angels stave off elimination. They went on to win Game 7 and clinch the 2002 World Series. And yes, the Rally Monkey is credited for the team's comeback.

Plus, any monkey that can do Bohemian Rhapsody is my kind of monkey.

2.#4 Rocky the Cougar

A high energy Cougar is the perfect mascot for one of the most high energy fan bases in all of sports. The Pepsi Center gets very loud, and Rocky plays up to the crowd. This cougar is the mascot of the halftime halfcourt shot, and has also been known to bust a move.

3.#3 Puddles the Duck

The only collegiate mascot to appear on the list, Puddles beat out a host of very formidable NCAA symbols to make the cut. But any duck that busts out pushups every time Oregon football scores is one bad-ass mascot. (I mean, come on, Oregon scores every two seconds.) This duck may look cute and cuddly, but he's a no-nonsense kind of quacker, who isn't afraid to ruffle some feathers. The perfect representation for one of the nation's most successful athletic programs.

4.#2 The San Diego Chicken

If you're going to have any list that's ranking mascots, it can't be without the San Diego Chicken. In a mascot era that is somewhat shenanigans geared, with the Philly Fanatic and co. representing their teams, the San Diego Chicken was the pioneer of the ridiculous mascot. The chicken has been a mainstay at Padres games, but has also spread its wings and found its way into other major events. ( Including a WrestleMania XV appearance by Pete Rose.) This video is pretty long, but it does accurately depict the chicken's fantastic legacy.

5.#1 Mr. Met

Any mascot that can endear itself to a fan base as well as Mr. Met does is undoubtedly doing something right. Even while the Mets have performed sub part for years, Mr. Met has still been a staple in the Big Apple. His rambunctious personality coupled with his ability to interact with fans has made him one of the most approachable mascots. (Plus, he's got a super-cute family.) Mr. Met is simply a mascot of the people, for the people, and here to serve the people. The epitome of a good mascot.

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Robblerobbleroblle

You set the main picture as the Phillie Phanatic, then put Mr. Met at #1? shame on you
MAK

Ummm, where is Youppi!???
Anonymous

MR. MET!!!!!!
Mascot Fan

T-RAC! Best Mascot I’ve ever seen.