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NBA Previews

Pretty Much Screwed: The 2013-14 Houston Rockets


Welcome to “Pretty Much Screwed,” our definitive guide to the upcoming NBA season. This team-by-team preview details why it’s probably not your favorite team’s year. Today: We’ll explain why the Houston Rockets are just another stop on the Dwight Howard circus tour. And that there’s no hope for the future.

Good job injuring Russell Westbrook, you guys. As if that wasn’t the douchiest thing you could do in 2013 — ruining the chances of a Finals rematch between the Heat and Thunder — you went out and signed Dwight Howard.

That’s like dating a stripper. Seems fun until she burns your house down.

Don’t come crying to SportsGrid when he forgets how to turn on that switch he’s had off for two years now. You knew what you were getting into. Worst case scenario: Dwight’s back prevents him being the rebounding/defensive/basket hanging stud he once was.

Best case scenario: You’re the 2009 Orlando Magic. Congratulations there, buddy.

Here’s why you’re screwed. You’ve created a team of three-point shooters to spread the floor so that Dwight Howard and Omir Asik can operate underneath the basket without getting double teamed, except Howard doesn’t play nice with other bigs (see Gasol, Pau). He will bitch about this because it won’t work for him, Omir, or Kevin McHale. Shit storm on the horizon.

Then there’s the undeniable fact that Howard doesn’t play well with other stars who aren’t point guards primarily tasked with getting him the ball en route to a dunk (see Bryant, Kobe, and Nelson, Jameer). Is James Harden ready to be Rashard Lewis? I doubt it. This will be a huge issue at some point this season, as the two struggle to gain control of the offense, and assert an identity for the team.

Right there you’ve got all the ingredients for Dwight to be a frowny face all season.

Boo hoo.

Another issue, will be sifting out the point guard situation — which will be paramount to Dwight’s success. Jeremy Lin isn’t an efficient enough shooter or passer to make up for his defensive limitations. Patrick Beverley, the guy who will eventually replace Lin this season, isn’t exactly a star in the making, either.

Once again, Dwight has only been effective with the help of an exceptional point guard. Neither of their options in Houston are special.

The PG competition could be an issue this season if both players end up shooting around 30% from three and struggle keeping guys in front of them, causing Dwight to get into foul trouble as he shifts over to help. It could be a huge issue if they can’t get him the ball — they averaged a combined eight assists per game last season. That could be this team’s undoing unless Harden decides to give up five shots a game and dump it down low more often.

That and the fact that six teams in Western Conference have better point guards and are generally better teams.

Let’s see, there’s the Spurs (Parker), the Clippers (Paul), the Grizzlies (Conley), the Warriors (Curry), the Nuggets (Lawson), and the Thunder (Westbrook). Ya, the Houston Rockets are still screwed. And that’s not even considering that they still owe Jeremy Lin $20 over the next two seasons. Good luck signing anyone this offseason after you get bounced in the first round by one of the six teams who are better than you. You’ll be paying $11M for a shitty backup point guard.

Actual Season Prediction: 43-39. First round exit. Dwight Howard shows flashes of what could be, but ultimately says dumb shit all season, misses 15 games, and detracts from James Harden’s effectiveness as a leader.


  • Jake is gay

    This might be the dumbest thing i’ve ever read

  • Jake O’Donnell

    Dad, stop commenting on my articles.

  • Houston Rockets Harrison

    ever

  • Houston Rockets Harrison

    this was some of the most hating i have ever seen from a writer. p bev did not hurt westbrook on purpose. he did what westbrook been doing along with all other gaurds goin for the ball before a time out. jameer nelson was exceptional?????????? gtfoh check the numbers j lin is a pick and role beast. stop hating this hard.

  • Michael Blackman

    The rockets starters man handled the pacers starters 2 games..this team will be special this year..if you were smart you would understand the rockets do not need dwight offensively, his defense will help create offensive opportunities. To the article writer, fuck you and fuck every other writer that resides in L.A ..you guys are all show in how butt hurt you are. Get over it and respect a great team when you see one. And did I mention FUCK YOU

  • Debbie

    What a dumb article-must be a disgruntled Houston Texans fan!!

  • Christy Buzek Shelly

    My guess… this guy is from Los Angeles and he is mad that kobe bryant is not a team player

  • Freddie

    This is the dumbest post I’ve seen in my life. And whats even hypocritical is that this guy post a video of Dwight dominating in his debut. How do you even believe the thunder has a chance of winning any championships when they cant find a solution to the miami heat. That team did not improve since their last appearance to the finals. They lost harden, which is the only reason they even made it to the finals by beating the spurs. No center is going to be the star of the lakers around kobe in this era of basketball. All they are going to do expect you to do is clean up kobe’s mess because kobe will mostly be your offensive strategy each time(No dissrespect to kobe but Dwight has played with alot of stars before such as the USA team). So far he hasnt showed dissapointment, which is pretty early to judge or praise. But it seems to me by the way he was playing lately has shown us that Dwight Howard isnt a problem but the lakers themself. The Rockets are just made for stars like Howard. He is going to be working with Hakeem and McHale which is one of the main reasons he went to the rockets. The Rockets, unlike most teams, are not selfish. Houston has made alot of great players because of that and many players had their best stats in houston. So quit hating because you know nothing about basketball and go make something else out of your life because you suck as a writer.

  • JokeODonnell

    Oh no Sportsgrid! The disgruntled office janitor got to your computers again. Please take down this rambling pejorative crap to keep whatever integrity your site has left.

  • Eric Goldschein

    This made me laugh pretty hard.

  • T Schopps

    Did I just read this article………. O my gosh this guy is an IDiot

  • calvino

    I was going to say something harsh about this article.. but i think the posted comments pretty much say it all.

  • James

    I’ve read better things on Bleacher Report!

  • James

    Alright. Since I’ve got nothing better to do on a Sunday…

    “Good job injuring Russell Westbrook, you guys. As if that wasn’t the douchiest thing you could do in 201″

    Yeah, you mean this move?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpXk6DdDdnI
    The same one that Westbrook does to Lin here?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjWrjQpNBsA

    Get out of here! These players play hard, there was no intent to foul.

    “Howard doesn’t play nice with other bigs (see Gasol, Pau)”

    Gasol is the guy you pick as a reference? Come on. It’s only one year! Besides, it’s fairly obvious that Asik is trade bait right now for a “stretch 4″. Add to that the Rockets have Hakeem Olajuwon and Kevin McHale, two of the greatest big men ever on the staff. Didn’t Amare pay Olajuwom a million last season for a few sessions? Must be worth it.

    “Once again, Dwight has only been effective with the help of an
    exceptional point guard. Neither of their options in Houston are
    special.”

    Just poking random holes in your story. Dwight didn’t do well in LA and he has Nash. Some people might consider him exceptional.

    “Good luck signing anyone this offseason after you get bounced in the
    first round by one of the six teams who are better than you.”

    Houston was just treading water two years ago, but they still landed some big FA. Know why? People many NBA players make the Houston area their home during the off-season. Most want to play in Houston simply because of location.

    “You’ll be paying $11M for a shitty backup point guard.”

    I don’t know where you got that from….you got the $20M earlier right though. Anyways, Lin makes $5 mil this upcoming season, and $15 next season.

    —-

    My prediction:

    Lin – Becomes better 3 point shooter, he’s already revamped his shooting, and it shows, albeit small sample, this preseason he’s 4-6 from the three. I expect numbers similar to 15 and 7….he’ll still get 2.5 turnovers a game.

    Harden – The man’s a beast. But will shot less with Howard in the lineup.

    Parsons – The guy gets paid $1 mil this year, best bargain in the league! Not the best SF out there, but definitely the brightest. Unless you got James, Melo, or another superstar on your team, Parsons is a guy you want, he’s young, and improving.

    PF – Yeah okay. Terrence Jones maybe? Here’s hoping they trade Asik for Anderson.

    Howard – One of the reasons Howard was ineffective in LA was because he kept on posting. Except he didn’t have great skills. He’s clearly shown some new moves in the preseason after some sessions with Olajawom.

    Rockets get 50+ wins, and make it to 2nd round.


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