NBA

Kobe Bryant Might Not Play Tonight

Kobe Bryant missed this morning’s team shootaround with gastroenteritis, and the team’s not saying whether or not he’ll play in tonight’s Game 6. Gastroenteritis, I found out five seconds ago, is a stomach ailment characterized by inflammation of the gastrointestinal tract, and can lead to diarrhea, vomiting, and abdominal pain and cramping. It’s influenza, for all intents and purposes.

Which means…

It’s time for a flu game, bitch!

That’s right. If he’s physically able, Kobe could very well cement his very own pukey place in history, just like Michael Jordan did fifteen years ago.

MJ, if you’ll recall, famously battled through very bad food poisoning (“very bad” as in “he was throwing up and sweating profusely”) to score 38 points and lead the Bulls back from a 16-point deficit in Game 5 of the 1997 NBA Finals. Now, Kobe, like MJ, has a chance to do something very few people have ever done: play some diarrhea hero ball.

If Kobe does play (and plays well) you can be damn sure we’ll hear about it for a while. Plus, it will be one more accomplishment Lil’ Wayne can cite when he trumpets Mamba as the best ever.

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