NBA Our NBA Power Rankings: It’s Way Too Early To Do These, But Screw It
A week of NBA action is in the books, so you know what that means: We’ve got every single team figured out. In fact, the season is pretty much over — can we just crown the 76ers as champions and call it a year?
Sorry, Philly (and Toronto, and Minnesota, and Phoenix). We’ve still got a long way to go. Conversely, don’t worry Memphis and Brooklyn (we think), you’ll be alright.
This first week is more about guesswork and assumptions than actual, tangible analysis. That being said, look at all these teams — you’ve never seen gut calls quite like the ones I’ve made.
Note: These rankings will usually come out on Mondays.
1.30. L.A. Lakers
This season has been one long kick in the dick for the Lakers.
2.29. Milwaukee Bucks
Hey, you won a game last week.
3.28. Orlando Magic
Just playing out the string at this point. Two months to go!
4.27. Cleveland Cavaliers
No reasonable person will expect Kyrie Irving to stay here, right?
5.26. Sacramento Kings
When you lose to the Lakers, you get dropped.
6.25. New York Knicks
Despite losing six a row, I couldn't justify dropping them lower than 25th. Just wait until next week.
7.24. Boston Celtics
Now Gerald Wallace is out for the season? ALL IS TRULY LOST, TRULY.
8.23. Utah Jazz
Making it to 20 wins in the West is no small feat for a club so talent-less.
9.22. Detroit Pistons
To be fair, they just went through a brutal stretch of games against elite Western teams.
10.21. Philadelphia 76ers
11.20. New Orleans Pelicans
Anthony Davis! That is all.
12.19. Charlotte Bobcats
Clinging to that number seven spot out East.
13.18. Minnesota Timberwolves
Is Minnesota doomed to an eternity of not-good-enough?
14.17. Atlanta Hawks
Still in the playoffs by default.
15.16. Denver Nuggets
What's with the Nuggets always trading with the Wizards and getting back weird big men?
16.15. Washington Wizards
Will the professor put them over the top of whatever limit they've already reached?
17.14. Dallas Mavericks
One weird bounce away from having not beat the Knicks. Just saying.
18.13. Memphis Grizzlies
You guys should sign Metta World Peace.
19.12. Phoenix Suns
Goran Dragic is the real deal. How good would this team be right now with Eric Bledsoe?
20.11. Brooklyn Nets
Somehow not as good as the Bulls.
21.10. Toronto Raptors
Will they regret holding onto Kyle Lowry and not fleecing the Knicks out of yet another draft pick?
22.9. Golden State Warriors
Again, you're not going to impress me by beating the Knicks.
23.8. Chicago Bulls
So much determination doe.
24.7. Portland Trail Blazers
Blazers smoke Nuggets.
25.6. San Antonio Spurs
We're just gonna go ahead and underestimate them.
26.5. Houston Rockets
The scariest non-true contender out there.
27.4. L.A. Clippers
They've picked up some really interesting pieces that could make or break them. Glen Davis and Danny Granger, FTW?
28.3. Miami Heat
Nobody fucks with
29.2. Indiana Pacers
Wish we could just fast forward to the playoffs to see how good this team really is.
30.1. Oklahoma City Thunder
Even when they lose to the Cavs, we keep the faith.
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