NBA Our NBA Power Rankings: Let’s Have A Vaguely Golden Globes-Themed Crack At This
Did you hear the Golden Globes were on last night? Did you watch them? Who wouldn’t want to watch the trial run for the Oscars, am I right?
Actually, I didn’t watch them. Heard the show was funny, if a bit lacking in technical prowess. Maybe we can sprinkle a few Golden Globes-related GIFs into this week’s rankings, in order to broaden our horizons and reach out to new demographics? Sounds good. Also,
James Dolan was there, for some reason.
Oh, so, basketball: New York hoops was actually palatable this week, which means New Yorkers have one less thing to endlessly complain about; the Suns saw their good vibrations come to an end with Eric Bledsoe’s knee injury — maybe the team will tank in earnest now?; the Pacers are still the class of the NBA, as far as we’re concerned, because why not, it’s January.
As for the rest of the league?
1.30. L.A. Lakers
This season has been one long kick in the dick for the Lakers.
2.29. Milwaukee Bucks
Hey, you won a game last week.
3.28. Orlando Magic
Just playing out the string at this point. Two months to go!
4.27. Cleveland Cavaliers
No reasonable person will expect Kyrie Irving to stay here, right?
5.26. Sacramento Kings
When you lose to the Lakers, you get dropped.
6.25. New York Knicks
Despite losing six a row, I couldn't justify dropping them lower than 25th. Just wait until next week.
7.24. Boston Celtics
Now Gerald Wallace is out for the season? ALL IS TRULY LOST, TRULY.
8.23. Utah Jazz
Making it to 20 wins in the West is no small feat for a club so talent-less.
9.22. Detroit Pistons
To be fair, they just went through a brutal stretch of games against elite Western teams.
10.21. Philadelphia 76ers
11.20. New Orleans Pelicans
Anthony Davis! That is all.
12.19. Charlotte Bobcats
Clinging to that number seven spot out East.
13.18. Minnesota Timberwolves
Is Minnesota doomed to an eternity of not-good-enough?
14.17. Atlanta Hawks
Still in the playoffs by default.
15.16. Denver Nuggets
What's with the Nuggets always trading with the Wizards and getting back weird big men?
16.15. Washington Wizards
Will the professor put them over the top of whatever limit they've already reached?
17.14. Dallas Mavericks
One weird bounce away from having not beat the Knicks. Just saying.
18.13. Memphis Grizzlies
You guys should sign Metta World Peace.
19.12. Phoenix Suns
Goran Dragic is the real deal. How good would this team be right now with Eric Bledsoe?
20.11. Brooklyn Nets
Somehow not as good as the Bulls.
21.10. Toronto Raptors
Will they regret holding onto Kyle Lowry and not fleecing the Knicks out of yet another draft pick?
22.9. Golden State Warriors
Again, you're not going to impress me by beating the Knicks.
23.8. Chicago Bulls
So much determination doe.
24.7. Portland Trail Blazers
Blazers smoke Nuggets.
25.6. San Antonio Spurs
We're just gonna go ahead and underestimate them.
26.5. Houston Rockets
The scariest non-true contender out there.
27.4. L.A. Clippers
They've picked up some really interesting pieces that could make or break them. Glen Davis and Danny Granger, FTW?
28.3. Miami Heat
Nobody fucks with
29.2. Indiana Pacers
Wish we could just fast forward to the playoffs to see how good this team really is.
30.1. Oklahoma City Thunder
Even when they lose to the Cavs, we keep the faith.