Each week we’ll bring you the AP’s college basketball rankings along with serious, measured, professional analysis. Let’s get to Week 10!
1. Arizona (61)
The Wildcats beat UCLA and USC last week. All they had to do was this though.
2. Syracuse (4)
The Badgers beat Illinois last week. At 16-0, they are a small ray of sunshine for a state that is falling apart at the seams.
4. Michigan State
The Spartans beat Ohio State and Minnesota last week. After the game, Tom Izzo said, “I’m excited to have a program as strong as Minnesota joining our league next year.” When told that Maryland is the school joining next year, Izzo said, “Fuck The Wire” and stomped off.
5. Wichita State
The Shockers beat Illinois State and Missouri State last week. They attribute their undefeated start to one weird trick they found online.
The Wildcats beat Seton Hall and St. John’s last week, completing this week’s most historically consistent conference schedule.
The Gators beat South Carolina and Arkansas last week. It appears my crusade to keep Florida a secret has failed.
8. Iowa State
The Cyclones beat Baylor and lost to Oklahoma last week. (We can’t discuss their game against Kansas last night though).
9. Oklahoma State
The Cowboys beat Texas and West Virginia last week. They did not do so with style or grace.
10. San Diego State
The Aztecs beat Boise State and Air Force last week. While the win over the Broncos was expected, I have serious concerns about our armed forces’ inability to defend against 15th century warriors.
The Buckeyes lost to Michigan State and Iowa last week. Additionally, we are about approach peak Aaron Craft. Prepare accordingly.
The Wildcats beat Mississippi State and Vanderbilt last week. Things are about to change for them though, because we’re almost at the, “these freshmen aren’t really freshmen anymore” portion of the season.
The Hawkeyes beat Northwestern and Ohio State last week, further solidifying Iowa as America’s basketball epicenter.
The Jayhawks beat Oklahoma and Kansas State last week. They are also the source of the newest tanking craze, a trend that has spun out of control.
The Minutemen beat St. Joseph’s and St. Bonaventure last week. With their bloodlust for patron saints unquenched, this week they’re going after St. Michael and St. Francis of Assisi, saying, “Good thing we have a cool Pope now.”
The Tigers beat Louisville and Temple last week, and Josh Pastner is running the program like Kings Landing.
The Cardinals lost to Memphis and beat SMU last week. Is everyone OK if we just tuck Louisville here and forget about them for the rest of the season?
The Bearcats beat Houston and Rutgers last week, because that’s their conference now. The AAC must be stopped.
The Blue Jays beat DePaul and Xavier last week, remaining in first place in the charred wreckage of the Big East.
The Buffaloes beat Washington State and lost to Washington last week. At the behest of the Pac-12, they also played Gonzaga, a group of former Sonics greats, and the tallest members of the Grey’s Anatomy cast.
The Panthers beat Maryland and Wake Forest last week. As an individual who has been under unreasonable pressure from above to personally insert Pitt into the rankings, this is a great relief.
The Blue Devils beat Georgia Tech and lost to Clemson last week. They remain in the Top 25 because Coach K’s power over the Associated Press is absolute.
24. Saint Louis
The Billikens beat Rhode Island and Dayton last week. With their return to the rankings, we are once again subjected to their stupid-ass goblin logo.
25. Oklahoma & UCLA (tie)
The Sooners lost to Kansas but beat Iowa State last week. The Bruins lost to Arizona but beat Arizona State last week. With both teams equally at fault for a 26-team Top 25, they have rendered both numbers and words irrelevant. I am not pleased about this development.
Also receiving votes: Whatever’s happening at UTEP, incompetence at Oral Roberts, falling and not being able to get up, VCU’s Wrecking Ball, Tom Crean being a normal human being, relevance for the D-League, raising the rim, more Northwestern uniforms, a double dunk!
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