President Nick Saban Has A Few Things To Say

by Glenn Davis | 8:32 pm, April 19th, 2012

BARACK OBAMA: “Through their dedication, hard work, tremendous talent, and commitment to serving their community off the field, this team gave their school so many reasons to be proud-”
NICK SABAN: “OK, OK, Barack, gonna stop you right there, I’d just like to talk about how silly it is that we’re all still focusing on last season when that’s long over-”
BO: “I’m sorry, I-”
NS: [shoots terrifying stare in Obama's direction] “Did I say you were allowed to respond?”
BO: [stunned silence]
NS: [holds stare, nudges Obama away from podium, takes place] “That’s better.” [gestures toward Obama] “That’s better, right?”
BO: [more silence]
NS: “You may respond by saying, ‘Yes.’”
BO: “… Yes.”
NS: “Good. Anyway, as I was saying, the fact that we’re gathered here to talk about something that happened already is absurd, and also, Ted Nugent is the best. Anyone here have a problem with that?” [gestures toward Obama] “Like you?”
BO: [silence]
NS: “You may respond.”
BO: “Well, Coach Saban, it’s just that-”
NS: “That’s ‘Mr. President Coach Saban, sir.’ This podium has the Seal of the President of the United States on it, doesn’t it?”
BO: “… Yes.”
NS: “That’s what I thought. You may continue your response.”
BO: “Mr. President Coach Saban-”
NS: “Your allotted response time is up. Now I’m going to get my team out of here before they get too full of themselves and stop realizing there are still goals to accomplish, and before I miss an entire day of the spring evaluation period.” [turns to team] “Does anyone have a problem with that?” [every Alabama player grimly shakes head no; satisfied, Saban turns to Obama] “And you? You may respond.”
BO: “… No.”
NS: “That’s ‘No, Mr. President Coach Saban, sir.’”