Oregon’s wearing a weird uniform. “Well,” one might think, “what else is new?” A fair thing to wonder. Here’s what they wore for their last game. They’ve worn these this year. Remember those Rose Bowl helmets from last season? Hell, remember basically everything they’ve worn over the last decade? How weird does an Oregon uniform have to be to be newsworthy at this point? Well, according to Nike, it needs to have Nike Chain Maille Mesh (TM?) and a Nike Pro Combat Hyperstrong Baselayer (TM?):
You might watch that and say, “Hmm, sure looks a lot like what Oregon wore two damn weeks ago.” And to that, Nike would say: “SHUT UP. YOU’RE RUINING THIS FOR US.” You see, this is Nike Pro Combat (TM) gear. Actually: sorry. It’s actually Pro Combat “System of Dress.” (“System of Dress.” Seriously. “System of goddamn Dress.” Shut up, Nike.)
And that makes it special, and worthy of video-ization. Anything that will make you believe that it’s the Nike Chain Maille Mesh (TM) of the Nike Pro Combat System of Dress (TM) that makes Oregon so good. You know, rather than that the team is filled with talented, hard-working, well-coached players and has perfected an offensive system that’s extremely difficult to stop. Because really, who’d believe a thing like that?