NFL

5 Easy Recipes For The Super Bowl That Aren’t Rocket Science

It’s the day before the Super Bowl, which means millions of Americans will be making (or waddling) their way over to their local grocer to stock up on various meats, cheeses, beers, porks, salts, brats, guac, and ales. And in the midst of the rush of monotony that is Super Bowl food ideas (Wings! Hot dogs! Burgers!), you may feel the need to change things up a bit. Manchango-stuffed pork burgers, or Mortadella stromboli, perhaps?

Well, I’m here to tell you that that’s a horrible idea.

The foodie in you will be playing mind tricks in the lead-up to the big game, and there will inevitably come a point where you’re over-thinking your Super Bowl menu. You need to resist all urges to diversify, because if you try too hard, you’ll be left with an untouched rack of Pear Apple Compote Pork and severe feelings of inadequacy. But if you stick to what you know, you’ll be satisfied.

Here’s all you need for the Super Bowl.

5. Something with bacon on it

The be-all-end-all of Super Bowl bacon recipes is the Bacon Explosion, a recipe originating out of Kansas City (where else?). Back in 2009, the recipe was so popular it actually garnered some pretty heavy media coverage. Take a gander at the ingredients:

2 pounds thick cut bacon
2 pounds Italian sausage
1 jar of your favorite barbeque sauce
1 jar of your favorite barbeque rub

The “explosion” references the heart explosion you’ll suffer when you eat this thing, but if you have the time, it’s worth it. For an easier (and wimpier) bacon-themed alternative, go with that old standby: potato skins.

4. Something where cheese is heavily featured

People love mac and cheese. Oprah once at 30 pounds of the stuff, that’s how good it is. But although it’s probably the greatest comfort food side dish of all time, it’s somewhat underutilized for the Super Bowl (I think the reason is its not exactly finger food). But I promise you: if you have a giant bowl of this stuff on Sunday,  it will be eaten – people, for whatever reason, have a primal urge for cheese on Super Bowl Sunday. The recipe that everyone goes crazy over is Martha Stewart’s, which uses Romano and Cheddar. And if you haven’t met your bacon quota yet, grill up a few slices and throw it on top of this.

3. Something with barbecue sauce on it

Considering that this year’s Super Bowl is in Dallas (and we’ve already noted how much Texans love barbecue), it’s only right that your repertoire include something with barbecue sauce on it. And although the NY Times notes that restaurant-style ribs are impossible to make at home, you can still quickly and easily make ribs in three steps, without a grill.

Of course, when you make ribs this way, you’re placing virtually all of the onus on the type of barbecue sauce you use. It’s a lot of pressure to place on one condiment. And, in this situation, there’s really only one sauce you can turn to: Sweet Baby Ray’s. I’ve been a fan of Ray’s for years, and you won’t find a better store-bought BBQ sauce on the planet (or in your supermarket).

2. Something you could order off the “appetizer” menu at a Mexican restaurant

Guacamole hits all of the right notes when it comes to Super Bowl food: it’s easy to make, you look kind of exotic if you make it for your party, and, most importantly, it’s scoopable. But guacamole, if made in the wrong person’s hands, could sabotage your entire Super Bowl. Choose carefully.

The most important thing about making guacamole is choosing an avocado. If you choose ones that are too hard, green, and new, the insides will be tasteless, watery, and gross. You need to find avocados that are dark, almost black, with somewhat soft skin (you should be able to leave an indent mark on it with your finger if you press the outside). As for the recipe itself, Alton Brown’s is easy, painless, and universally respected.

1. Chicken Wings

We can unequivocally say, with the benefit of 45 years of data, that Chicken Wings are the most popular Super Bowl food of all time. According to the Beacon-News, “more than 100 million pounds” of wings will be consumed during Super Bowl weekend, meaning that this year will be the biggest, in terms of wing consumption per capita, in US food history.

So how do you make them? Do you bake them? Fry them? Do you use hot sauce? How hot? What about soy sauce? All of these questions are based on your personal preference. If you’re looking to cut down on time and general fatassness, you should bake them. If you are throwing caution to the wind (and have a little extra time), the Hooters wings recipe is tried and true, but note: the frying tacks on an extra hour to an hour and a half of cooking time. Both recipes utilize hot sauce, so if you’re cooking for a bunch of people, the milder the better. And, finally, if you’re looking for a hot sauce alternative, try one of the better celebrity wing recipes around: Betty White’s soy sauce wings.