NFLWeird But True

Aaron Rodgers And Alex Smith Get Down And Dirty In This Piece Of NFL Fan Fiction (NSFW, It’s Definitely Word Porn)

Redditor americanslang59 gave us something unequal parts entertaining and mind-blowingly disturbing today. This anonymous person, whoever they are, lost a bet and consequently had to write erotic fan fiction that featured the Packers’ Aaron Rodgers and the 49ers’ Alex Smith having a close encounter in the Lambeau Field parking lot. Read it and let your imagination run wild. Then rein it in, because it will definitely have run too wild.

There’s very little of the 50 Shades of Grey/Peter King hybrid that I can share here directly without feeling an overwhelming amount of shame. That having been said, I’ll try to piece it together as best I can so you have a PG version to show the kids. But that is seriously all you should show them.

Aaron said his goodbyes to teammates and coaches and walked to his car. As he approached his car, he began to feel very odd. He looked around and saw nobody but felt as if he was being watched. As he continued to walk, something was not right. As he approached his car, a hand wrapped around his mouth and said, “Don’t make a sound.” As he began to panic, the hand pulled away and Aaron could hear laughter. Alex Smith was on the ground laughing. Aaron looked shocked…The two embraced each other and began to kiss slowly. Alex whispered, “I’m sorry that I beat your ass on the field and now I am going to beat your ass in your backseat.”

If this makes you uneasy, stop right there because it only gets a little hotter, and a little heavier. I don’t even know what more to make of this. But one last word of advice, if you’re gonna read the whole thing, don’t take any half measures. Own it, and read it aloud in your best John Tesh.

[via Redditor americanslang59]

Follow Jordan Rabinowitz