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Orgasms And Black Pepper: Chad Ochocinco Really Needs This Lockout To End

We’ve always known that Chad Ochocinco is a…different sort. We know it thanks to what he’s done to pass the time during the lockout, what he said about his missing pregnant pigeon, and mostly, because he changed his last name to Ochocinco. But Ochocinco’s most recent Twitter tangent, which took place today, is the strongest sign yet that the guy needs something to fill the hours before football resumes.

The tangent was about…orgasms. The reason: Dr. Oz, apparently. Then, sneezing got involved, and Ochocinco addressed his followers in formal terms like “kind mates.” Confused? We hope you are. Here’s the rundown of Ochocinco’s key points, if you’d call them “points.”

Wow only 29% of women have orgasms? How can this happen and who are there [sic] partners? Explore kind mates explore like Christopher Columbus.

How does Dr. Oz get his statistics and this is an easy fix for women who struggle with climaxing if i could just leak this damn video

Dear 71% of women who’ve yet to experience an orgasm did you know sneezing is 1/4 of an orgasm? So you’re almost there.

Since sneezing is 1/4 of an orgasm women who have trouble climaxing should cover the bed with ground black pepper before sex. Problem solved

That Ochocinco, always a problem-solver. He also highlighted a few followers’ responses to his new obsession, and either addressed them formally or tried to get his brother action. Note to De Smith and Roger Goodell: please, come together and free this man from the clutches of Dr. Oz. Or actually…never mind. This was Ochocinco’s best stunt of the lockout. Let’s see just how crazy he can go.

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