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Genius Woman Sues Dallas Cowboys Because She Burned Her Backside On One Of Their Benches

There are certain types of weather that tell us not to do certain things, because doing said things during said weather will not be enjoyable.

For example: when it’s hot out, we know walking on sand will be difficult. When it’s cold out, we know not to lick stray poles. (Although I always felt one should never be licking stray poles.) And for the love of all that is holy, we know that when the temperature starts to climb, objects that are black tend to heat up. So we shouldn’t sit on them.

So what in the hell is this woman doing suing the Dallas Cowboys?

After Jennelle Carrillo said she suffered severe burns to her backside as a result of sitting on a bench outside of Cowboys Stadium, she has sued the team and owner Jerry Jones, claiming there was not sufficient warning on or near the bench that it might be hot.

Temperatures on the day of the annual Blue & Silver scrimmage were more than 100 degrees, and the bench that Carrillo sat on was black.

“The bench was uncovered and openly exposed to the extremely hot August sun,” the suit, which was filed in Tarrant County civil court, states. “The combination of the nature of the black, marble bench and hot sunlight caused the bench to become extremely hot and unreasonably dangerous.”

Hey, newsflash lady: The fact that the black bench was scorching hot an a 100 degree day didn’t really require any warning. I’m calling user error on this one. The Cowboys didn’t post a sign on the black bench that said it might be too hot to sit on? Did they also not post a sign near the stadium telling fans they should breath?

This is one of those stories that almost makes you lose faith in humanity. Look, I’m not trying to downplay the seriousness of third-degree burns. I wish this woman all the best in her recovery. But in no way is this the Dallas Cowboys’ fault. Suing the team is absolutely absurd.

Moral of the story is, she probably should have waited for the jacket.

Via ESPN

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