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ESPN Crowns Boston “America’s Most Dominant Sports City” In A Move That Will Either Delight Or Enrage You

Give the folks at ESPN The Magazine this: they know how to provoke. Surely you remember last month’s “White Michael Vick,” and now, the magazine has released an entire issue around what’s sure to be a divisive topic…and a cover that will only make it more so. That topic: the most dominant sports city in America. The answer: Boston. The cover?

Now, based on the facts of it, this probably shouldn’t be that controversial. All of Boston’s major pro sports teams have won titles in the last decade, and two (the Red Sox and Patriots) have one more than one during that time. That’s remarkable. And the idea of judging the pro sports landscape in different cities isn’t new to ESPN the Magazine. But Boston is Boston. It’s got a rivalry with New York, and a lot of people can’t stand their fans and generally probably wish just about any other city (besides New York, probably) could experience the success Boston fans have during the 2000s.

But even more than the Boston pick itself: that tone. “Loozah” is going to send many, many readers into angry convulsions at the sight of it. It even did with me, a little bit, and I don’t even think of myself as a Boston hater…probably because I formed this analogy in my head after reading it, and now can’t get it out:

“Loozah” : Boston : : “Joisey” : New Jersey

Like, does everyone in Boston really talk like that? I doubt it. Sure, many people have pronounced Boston accents, but “loozah”? Likewise, I’ve come across many people with thick Jersey accents, but I’ve never – never – heard “Joisey” in anything other than an tongue-in-cheek context. So if you ever use “Joisey” to make fun of how people in New Jersey talk, kindly (I feel another New Jersey stereotype coming on) go fuck yourself.

(We told you this cover would get people riled up.)

Where were we? Ah, yes. Sports. ESPN. Rage. Wisely, it seems much of the issue is dedicated to just such rage, with a “Boston Sucks” column penned by Artie Lange, and a corresponding “New York Sucks” screed from Denis Leary. And there’s Bill Simmons, weighing in with, “This whole issue is a bad idea.” Unfortunately for that column, though, it’s already clear to us the issue is succeeding in its mission. That mission: anger people. And this is pretty angry.

Yes, from our vantage point this looks like quite the successful trolling operation from Bristol. Hell, the cover does such a good job angrying up the blood that earlier in this post, I ranted about something that wasn’t even on it. So kudos, ESPN the Magazine. We have taken the bait, again, and I can’t speak out against a nice trolling. But I can speak out against any and all utterances of “Joisey.” Because seriously, that’s just bullshit.

[h/t Drew Magary]