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Fancy British Writers Use Fancy British Words To Describe An NFL Game

The best part of the NFL’s now-annual trip to London is never the game: this year’s matchup was a Buccaneers-Bears stinker, and the 2010 game was a 49ers-Broncos doo-doo pie. No, the best part of the league’s trip to Wembley Stadium occurs the following day, when the British write about football and use words that Americans would never associate with our most American sport.

For instance: here is The Daily Mail’s description of a first quarter Matt Forte touchdown:

Forte was the difference between the offences. The 26 year-old — who has modelled himself on such legendary Bears running backs as Walter Payton and Gale Sayers — signalled his intent early with a slaloming 22-yard run, and made good on his mazy movement within a minute in the first quarter when he capitalised on a fine block by Roy Williams to sprint into the end zone.

“Slaloming?” I would like to see more of these distinctly British colloquialisms, please.

The ‘Bucs’ at least claimed a small slice of history in response, if only for the fact that Forte, making a rare lapse in dwelling too long on the ball, was flattened by Ronde Barber to produce the first safety points of these Wembley games. Even so, Tampa’s threat of a touchdown was minimal.

“Dwelling too long on the ball?” More! More!

A bewildering dropped pass from the Chicago wide receiver Roy Williams drew exasperated groans as both offences spluttered through the opening drives yet, with Matt Forte carving his way through the defence for an average of more than seven yards per carry in the first half, such sloppiness could be overcome.

That sounds less like a description of Matt Forte’s YPC and more like a pivotal battle in World War II. More, please.

That was great. But we’re going to need a distinctly American sentence to make us feel normal again. Hit it, Guardian liveblog!

This is stupid now….

Ah. Just like home.