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Fantasy Football, Week 3: As Told Through GIFs

Throughout the season, we’ll be recapping the week that was in fantasy football through GIFs. For the previous week’s installment, click here.

People! Week three is in the books (kind of). Chaos reigns. Nobody is winless! Nobody is undefeated. Let us recap with GIFs. 

Look. None of us is perfect. We make mistakes all the time: we overvalue guys we think are ascendant; we shortchange skill players who play for division rivals; we mistake one big performance for career-changing moments. But maybe the worst thing ever is letting a young guy on your real-life team get picked up on waivers, and then watching that guy go buck on you in a nationally televised game. Exhibit A: Andre Brown, who ran roughshod over the Panthers (and Max’s chances to get over .500) on Thursday, leaving Max feeling like so:

Plus, sometimes even your smartest moves can blow up in an instant. Take C.J. Spiller, for instance, whose production Glenn had been riding like a quarterhorse over the past few weeks. The former Clemson Tiger looks mighty strong in any lineup, and Glenn drafted him at exactly the right time. But when poor old C.J. got his shoulder mashed up in the middle of the first quarter on Sunday, Glenn (even though he wound up beating the tar out of Hank anyway) felt a little like this:

And really, a good plan is kind of a relative term/concept/thing, anyway. For example, sometime around 3:30pm, EST, it had become apparent to America that Chris Johnson’s bold, brilliant gambit to spend all week bad-mouthing his offensive line was not going to open up Mac Truck-sized holes for him. Matt (who has kind of hitched his wagons to the guy) responded by doing a little of this:

Of course, sometimes things just seem to defy explanation. After all, our dear leader Dan could well be 3-0 were it not for Ryan Freaking Succop (or, more bizarrely, his decision to bench Jacquizz Rodgers). He greeted this news thusly:

Some of us have no choice but to ride the crazy train, too. When your team is made up of all-or-nothing assets, guys like Kevin Ogletree or defensive units like the Lions (who, okay, maybe mostly nothing), then really, you have a team that is like this:

This goes a long way toward explaining why Keith is mere hours away from his first win of the season.

But in the haze of all our incompetence, pipe-dreams and foolery, one thing hasn’t gotten lost. Jen has an awesome team, and so even though everybody just instinctively takes her lightly (it’s that girl thing), it usually doesn’t take long for people to realize that her lineup is serious. Like brings-a-hand grenade-to-the-back-alley-brawl serious:

And so even though nobody has separated themselves, we are all a little bit afraid of Jen.

Tune in next week!