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Desperate Man Must Learn About Football Between Now And Super Bowl, Or Risks Losing Girlfriend

We’re not sure if this Craigslist ad is a joke. It could be. At certain points, it seems like it has to be. But maybe it isn’t. And whether it is or not, it’s too funny/sad not to talk about. It was posted by a man with a problem. His problem: he told his girlfriend’s ex that he played quarterback in college. He did not play quarterback in college. He did not play football in college. In fact, he doesn’t know much about football at all.

But now, he’s going to a Super Bowl party at that same ex’s house, and in order to avoid looking like an idiot in front of both his girlfriend (who apparently still doesn’t know he was lying) and her ex, he needs some knowledge. And he’s willing to pay you to the tune of $500 if you can give that knowledge to him. The requirements, though, are strict:

I *desperately* need to learn about football between now and next week’s Super Bowl game. Preferably from someone who was a quarterback in college or the pros, but at the very least someone who knows a lot about quarterbacks.

[...]

This person MUST be available each day between now and the Super Bowl game (February 5, 2012), some time between 7-9pm on weekdays or afternoons on Saturday.

Quarterback in college or the pros? Those people aren’t growing on trees. So this guy’s put himself in a not-great position, but it’s when he talks about the current state of his relationship that things get really depressing/you just wonder if this is a giant goof:

This is really important to me. I think my girlfriend still really likes her ex and when we first started dating she cheated on me a few times with him, so I really can’t risk looking like an idiot in front of both of them.

[...]

Seriously, this is really important. My girlfriend and I are going through a bit of a rough patch now and she keeps threatening to move out. I’m afraid if I get caught lying about this our relationship is over.

If this posting had gone on any longer, the next line would have been, “Oh, and my parents never loved me, plus my dog just died.” It almost makes you feel bad for not being able to help the guy out. What also makes you feel bad about that: the $500 payday, plus more money if you can produce an expert on linebacker play (might we suggest this fellow?), and yet more cash if you can send him morsels of text wisdom the day of the big game.

And hey, even if the plan fails, maybe the guy should just show this posting to his girlfriend. If she sees he put that much effort into trying to savage the relationship, maybe she’ll be totally won over…or just feel too much pity to turn him down.

[h/t Julia]

Shutterstock photo (by CREATISTA), via