NFLTabloid Fodder

Hater’s Ball: Broncos Fans Obviously Like Peyton Manning More Than Tim Tebow

Legal Disclaimer: If you like Tim Tebow, either stop reading right now or enter a padded room devoid of any remotely sharp objects. Yes, that Post-It can take your eye out. We at SportsGrid are not responsible for any harm you cause to yourself, others, or your computer/mobile device. Injuries caused due to irrational love for a mediocre quarterback are not covered by standard insurance, either.

If you dislike Tim Tebow and/or his rabid fans, please continue and laugh along with me.

Personal Disclaimer: I’m a diehard Jets fan. This was my Facebook status when I heard Tebow might join Gang Green: “If this happens, I will end my 20-year relationship as a diehard Jets fan.” My imperishable fandom has allowed me to gradually attain Tebow-tolerance, but only since he is second-string. Still, people who think Tebow is some sort of football god are worse than people who fill up their free water cups with soda at fast-food places.

Forget the Olympics. Forget the Penn State Desertion Watch… the news world is exploding over something much more important.

Urgent. Things. Are. Occurring.

The New York Jets backup QB, some dude named Tim Tebow who has muscles on top of his muscly muscles, has showed up to the Jets training camp in Bumblefuck Cortland, NY.

About 25 for Rodgers here in GB. RT @JimcorbettUSAT Tim Tebow just pulled into Jets camp and about 150 media members are gearing up

— Tyler Dunne (@TyDunne) July 26, 2012

Yes, there are 25 media members for Aaron Rodgers. Yes, there are 150 for Tim Tebow. Yes, I just tried to strangle myself with my computer charger (but no, it didn’t work).

Forget that Darrelle Revis — one of the best players in the NFL — showed up even though it seemed like he was going to have a crisis-causing holdout, which is actual, important news, people.

Folks are freaking out because some guy that might be a punt protector showed up to training camp, which everyone knew was going to happen.

:::HEAD EXPLODES:::

How can I deal with a person that inspires comments like this?

Tim Tebow is the only christian in the nfl #fact

— Mike Barron(@TheOneMbarron) July 20, 2012

Tim Tebow kinda cute.

— Caitlyn Cazaubon (@caitlyncazaubon) July 26, 2012

Kinda cute?

You know what’s cute? Quarterbacks that understand that they’re not supposed to one-hop you the ball like Tom Emanski during fielding practice.

:::HEAD EXPLODES (AGAIN):::

But wait, fellow Tebow-fan haters. There is HOPE!

Peyton Manning — that guy that might be the best quarterback of all time — has replaced Tebow in Denver, and Broncos fans are so excited… that… that they think he might even be an upgrade (!) for their beloved playoff team. Yes, an upgrade from Tebow. It’s possible. Even Denver fans — the people that witnessed his MYSTICAL SORCERY up close last season — like their new Hall-of-Famer better than their old, inaccurate Whey Protein Monster. Their training camp drew a record crowd, topping all of those that Tebow participated in.

Faith in humanity: restored. We can all return our hordes of canned Tuna and bottled water and flashlights and spam. The world is not ending just yet.

Tebow was already rattled when it initially became possible that he’d lose out to Peyton. We had that. Now Broncos fans have wisened up. Last year, they were worse than this guy. And my fellow Jet fans aren’t elephant-shit crazy (yet). I mean, Mark Sanchez is still alive (for now), at their mercy.

That leaves just Florida Gators fans, people with a personal connection to Tim Tebow, and the hyper-religious as the only segments of the population who think Tim Tebow is Marino with Vick’s legs and Montana’s CLUTCH GENE.

Wait. Did someone say “CLUTCH GENE?”

Pats add SHIANCOE at TE?! Embarrassment of riches. I see 18-1. Only loss I see right now: To Tebow, at Jets on Thanksgiving night.

— Skip Bayless (@RealSkipBayless) July 25, 2012

HOLY HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS, did the Patriots just sign average football player Visanthe Shiancoe, the guy who doesn’t know how to pronounce his own name? They’ll never lose! The only thing that could stop them is that Roman Emperor, TIM TEBOW. On THANKSGIVING, where turducken-eating Americans will watch their savior lead the Jets to victory over Bill Belichick’s EVIL EMPIRE. I heard that Tebow feller once made Superman wet his cape!

/end over-the-top-rant
/try to put myself in Tebow fans’ heads
/J-E-T-S

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