The Proudest Jared Allen Tradition: Listing His Alma Mater As “Culinary Academy”
Vikings defensive end Jared Allen played his college football at Idaho State. It says so here, and everything. So why, during player intros for tonight’s Pro Bowl* (which, let’s face it, you did not know was tonight), did Allen list his alma mater as…
Cooking schools are producing way more football talent than we thought. Well, either that, or even the players are so bored by the Pro Bowl that they have to do things like make up joke schools for themselves to make it bearable. (Our money’s on the cooking school one.)
And while we were tempted at first to think, “Well, that sounds like a way less badass alma mater than Ball So Hard University,” we then thought: a Jared Allen culinary academy would probably involve killing this, and these, with your bare hands, then ripping out their flesh and eating it raw. A Jared Allen music institute would involve the same activities, as would a Jared Allen law school and Jared Allen court stenographer school. Jared Allen just really likes to kill, is what it comes down to.
*It’s been pointed out that this was not unique to tonight’s game, but even so, we’re pretty sure nothing more interesting than that is going to happen tonight.