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The Jerry Jones Papa John’s Rap: How Much Can You Stand To Listen To?

Some years ago (and to my great shame, unbeknownst to me), Cowboys owner Jerry Jones appeared in a commercial for Papa John’s pizza in which he did an elaborate dance upon being presented the product being advertised. He’s starred in various other Papa John’s ads since then, including one in which a child punches him in the groin for the flimsiest of reasons, and apparently, the company recently decided to have him star in another to soothe the pain of when Obamacare forces the company to bleed its customers dry.

And in that ad, Jones does something far, far worse than dance: he raps. And it is every bit as awful as you could ever imagine it is. Sure, it’s supposed to be, but… Jerry Jones rapping. It just doesn’t seem right. And it doesn’t sound right, either:

Part of me wants to applaud Jones for his willingness to publicly humiliate himself. First glory hole, now this: it’s like he wants everyone to laugh at him. Granted, he then goes home to his gold-and-diamond-encrusted palace and laughs at the pathetic lives of everyone laughing at him, but still – it’s something. But then I attempt to watch more than 10 seconds of the above video, and any impulse to praise him is gone. Papa John’s is better off just giving us ad after ad of Slingin’ John Schnatter tossin’ the ol’ pigskin around.