So It Turns Out That Jon Kitna Is Actually Super Awesome
When news broke that the Cowboys had signed 41-year-old retired quarterback Jon Kitna to be the potential/likely backup for Kyle Orton this weekend against the Eagles, the entire sports world said: “Hey, what the hell, why didn’t you sign Tim Tebow?”
Just kidding. But people did laugh, because, Jon Kitna? That dude is a high school math teacher now. And if the game — and the Cowboys season — falls into Kitna’s hands in the fourth quarter, we should expect Dallas to be flooded with the tears of another lost year.
But you know what? Regardless of the outcome of Sunday’s game, Jon Kitna is actually super awesome. First of all, unlike most unsigned quarterbacks of the moment who were waiting for a call from the Cowboys, Kitna actually called up head coach Jason Garrett to pitch himself for the job:
Jon Kitna reached out to Jason Garrett. "Are you serious?" Garrett asked Kitna "Absolutely," kitna responded.
— Calvin Watkins (@calvinwatkins) December 25, 2013
“I told Jason if he wants me or somebody to come in and call a play and be able to pull a play off if a bad situation happened, I would be willing to do that,” Kitna said.
Now having confirmed that Jon Kitna has nuts the size of genetically-engineered watermelons, we turn to part two of “Jon Kitna is actually super awesome,” in which Kitna reveals what he’s doing with his $55,294 game check (via Dallas Morning News):
Kitna, 41, is not keeping the money. It didn’t come up in his Christmas Day media scrum in the locker room. But later, while relaxing on a locker room couch and reconnecting with radio play-by-play voice Brad Sham, Kitna said he would be donating his NFL check to his school. He also told several teammates.
Since retiring from the Cowboys, Kitna, who has 15 seasons and four teams on his NFL résumé, has taught math and coached football at Lincoln High School in his native Tacoma, Wash.
So Jon Kitna, father of four, who could probably find something to spend that not-insignificant game check on, is going to straight up donate it. Maybe he’ll get a wheelbarrow for the school, which he can use to carry around his enormous balls while coaching his son’s football team.
Let’s hope this guy gets into the game this weekend — not only because the prospect of watching Kyle Orton for four quarters sounds horrible, but because Kitna deserves to have one last shot at NFL glory.
Photo via Getty