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Let’s Watch As Philadelphia Eagles Security Practices Running Down Streakers

Yep, this happened earlier this week.


Now, let’s listen to a border collie break down the action.

“You call this herding? Oof. Pretty awful. I saw tighter grouping in Babe.

“Look, it’s all about the fundamentals. Remember the three S’s: Stay wide, don’t make a sound, and always ask for Snausages. Don’t accept substitutes.

“To stay one step ahead of streakers you have to be smarter. It’s just like herding sheep or cows, only easier, because they’re Eagles fans. Which means drunk. Level 1 stuff: a puppy could herd them.

“Watch an expert in action:


“Imagine one of those sheep is a naked Eagles fan. Follow a border collie’s example, and he’s in the pen, straight away. No muss. And if you have to nip a gonad or two, hey, it’s part of the job. Guy should have kept his pants on.

“Good luck, Eagles security. If you get into trouble, give us a call, and if we’re not busy carrying monkeys, we’ll help you out.”

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